So it's been awhile since I posted. Why? Well, I was without a netbook for a little over a week. Why?
I got robbed.
Yeah, on Sunday, October 19th, on the last day of a seven day period of prayer and consecration with my prayer partner, Winsome, the Lord miraculously brought a caretaker for Jonathan through the American Church in Paris. A young lady named Jacqueline sent me an email that morning - the day that we were believing an answer would come - stating that she would be available for 10/25 and 11/8 and possibly for the dates in 2015 - if things work out that she remains in Paris. She recently graduated from a Grad program in Dance Research and she and her French husband might end up relocating back to her native California. I'll find out for sure in a month. However, the Lord later in the week sent another sweet woman from Morocco who is a nanny by profession, but has weekends free, and if Jacqueline is not available, I will likely employ her for 2015. So, all in all, the Lord moved mightily on my behalf! I'm still numb by how it all worked out.
And then I got even more numb that evening, but not in a joyous way - at least not at first.
In a rush to get to church on this glorious Sunday, after getting that news and having prayer and communion with Winsome to close off our 7 day prayer fest (we're still meeting to pray weekly over our needs and other situations), I forgot to close one of the windows of my ground floor apartment - an absolute no no in my neighborhood. It was a hot day that Sunday, which is why I opened it. How absolutely unnerving it was to arrive home and walk past our apartment to see the window WIDE open and to peer in to see my netbook not on the table. They lifted it. The blessing is that they had to work fast because they did it in broad daylight and in clear view of the neighborhood boulangerie.
I did the slow walk of death to the apartment to open it to see that was pretty much all they had time to get - until I realized later that they also took my $120 travel knapsack that held a lot of my school supplies, some travel books and games for Jonathan, most of my computer, cell phone and Jonathan's Kindle paraphernalia and my mifi - which I hadn't been able to use over here in France, but am still paying for through my AT & T contract (I deactivated it that night, but still need to cancel that part of my plan).
I was depressed, regretful, sad, upset, every emotion under the sun. However, overnight the Lord set my heart straight. I was foolish, this was the consequence, but He IS A GOOD GOD who is able to work all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. So, something good will come out of it - and in a way I am grateful it happened. It set me on a course for some other improvements in my life - not to talk about here - but things in many other areas need to change and I guess this was a motivating influence. So I give Him praise!
Plus, it was also a tool of the enemy to discourage me in light of the amazing answer to prayer that the Lord gave me. I was discouraged for a minute, but did not remain despondent. Thank you, Jesus.
I immediately ordered a new netbook from Amazon - more expensive than the one I had (which the Lord had miraculously put in my hands at a discount from Kmart right before I left IBM and it had been an absolute peach of a little netbook the whole time I had it - that still brings me some sadness that such a gift was taken away). Because I can't seem to order anything from Amazon to ship directly to my Paris address, I had to have it shipped to my parents and then my mom shipped it to me. I got it on Tuesday of this week. And it's not working at all like the previous one, and I'll probably have to anoint it with oil and pray over it to get it to act right - to ward off any creeping up of sadness and disappointment that comes over me when I realize this thing is a shell of what I had. I guess it's like the old folks in Haggai who were sad when they saw the restored temple, realizing it wasn't as great as the original. The original had been torn down as a result of their disobedience. My netbook was taken as a result of my carelessness - maybe even pride, as Winsome had asked me a few days before if it was wise to leave the netbook out with the one window cracked (one of the two windows has a burglary prevention bar on it) and I was like, "oh, it'll be fine. The other window is locked and to get into this emergency locked one that's cracked they would have to make a whole lot of ruckus on this busy street." Foolish me. Okay, let me stop - see how quickly the enemy can get you into negative thinking!
Needless to say, I now make sure both windows are closed and locked and that the metal screens are DOWN!!!
Okay, enough of that. More good news to share. The answered prayers haven't stopped. Here's Winsome's story...
So, we were still waiting for the Lord to come through in regards to finding Winsome housing. This past week I had my first class with the cohort - Financial Statement Analysis. I really enjoyed it. We have this final project that most of the cohort decided to meet to work on together that Sunday. I couldn't go because I have Jonathan and he would not have been able to sit still and play for 2 hours.
Winsome normally wouldn't have attended either, but she decided to go ahead and attend. However, it meant that she would have to go to the earlier 11 AM service at The American Church in Paris.
So, she attends that service. The night before she had hit rock bottom and totally surrendered all the circumstances of her remaining in Paris to the Lord - what the great Christian writer Catherine Marshall calls the "Prayer of Relinquishment". She forgot to turn her clock back so she ended up getting there at 10 AM and the Senior Pastor greeted her and then asked her if she'd like coffee. They chatted and she related her story. He prayed for her and then went his way.
The sermon that day was about tithing and giving offerings and Winsome was really tore up by it for brought to memory how she had been faithfully dedicating her tithes for the whole year in preparation for God's sufficiency and care while in Paris, only to see Him not move on her behalf - at least, not yet...
So, still tore up from the sermon, she gets up to leave for the library and the work group, but when she nears the exit, decides to go to the coffee social first, because she had some time to spare.
She heads there and a woman, in a choir gown is standing with a sign that reads "Need Prayer". Well, Winsome thought to herself, what can it hurt - I certainly could use more prayer if it's being offered.
She walks over and the lovely lady engages her in discussion and again Winsome relates her story. The woman starts to tear up and says:
"I want to cry...Winsome, we have a room in our house. Would you like to come stay with us?"
Winsome starts to cry...and cry. They're both bawling!
Winsome moved in yesterday. It's a lovely apartment in the lucrative 15th arrondissment that this American woman shares with her husband and college aged daughter. It will only be till the end of December, but now that she's in a stable place, it will allow her to seek God and be led of Him to secure the funding and additional housing that she'll need until the program ends in July. God will provide.
And yes: God moved. Period. According to our prayer and in such a well orchestrated way that it still astounds me, especially the answer to our petitions for Winsome's housing:
She normally wouldn't do the study group, but decided to go.
She had to go to 11 AM service rather than 1:30 (Jonathan and I attended 1:30 and went to the coffee social, and there was no one there with a sign saying "Need Prayer").
She got there too early and got prayer from the senior pastor.
She then decided not to go immediately to the library after church but to the coffee social.
She sees the woman with the choir gown at the coffee social.
She gets a place to stay.
So, we are rejoicing! If God can do all that - get me a caretaker and get her a home - than all the other incredible requests we're making, well, we're believing He can answer those too.
And WE ARE BELIEVING according to the words of Jesus Himself:
"Again I say to that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:19-20)
AMEN!
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Friday, October 17, 2014
Vacances de la Toussaint 2014 (Thanksgiving Holiday)
Tomorrow, October 18th, is the start of the Vacances de la Touissaint - Thanksgiving Holiday - for the schools in Paris. There is a national holiday on Nov 1 that falls within this break called Touissant or All Saints Day - a holiday celebrated in most Catholic entrenched countries like France. It's primarily to remember all of the Christian Saints and Christian believers who have passed. Jonathan will be out of school for two weeks. The first two week break out of four that he'll have in the school year. He'll have a Christmas break in December, a winter break in February and then a spring break in April. It's pretty awesome. How I wish it had been like this for me when I was in primary and secondary school!
The school system is so wonderful here - they really try their best to help working parents by having special activities at the school during these breaks. So, at a minimal cost, you are able to drop your child at school and go to work, knowing they'll be entertained and happy. Also, a lot of the workers work out a schedule where they have long weekends or days off during the break because there are so many family-centric activities that they can do, particularly at all the museums in the city.
I of course am a bit overwhelmed deciding exactly what we're going to do, exacerbated by the fact that I was tied up completing a 4000 word (16 page) paper that God finished on Wednesday. Let me clarify - that God wrote and finished on Wednesday, after staring it on Monday. I take no credit - and am astounded even now that it got done. He's good!
Anyway, I'm still trying to get myself together to figure out exactly what I'll do with Jonathan during the days that I'm not in class and he's off. The days I'm in class next week, he'll be at school (as described above). There are so many museums that I want to hit and parks I haven't gotten to, that I'm gonna try to hit as much of those as possible with him while the weather is decent. I will post as we go along - and hopefully with pictures that you can see. Apparently, my pics aren't showing up and I'm not sure why. I've yet to have time to investigate. It's probably because I simply copied them from my emails to the blog and likely need to actually upload them, which is a pain. I won't be able to get to the fix until the week after next. So big apologies to everyone for the tease of saying "look here" when there was nothing to look at!
Now as I was writing this, I remembered that I forgot to hand in my form for Jonathan to participate in the vacation activities on next Thursday and Friday, so I can only hope and pray that they accept the form on Monday! Please Lord!
Not that there is any assurance that I can still take the class or remain in the program because, as of today, I still do not have anyone to watch Jonathan for the Saturday class. However, I am praying and believing. Praying hard in fact. And the Lord has seen fit to seal my prayers in agreement with another by knitting me with a fellow prayer warrior who is in my cohort!
Her name is Winsome and she is an Indian heritage South African. A mighty woman of God and we have so much in common! She is 48 - so along with my 47 year old self, we're the two oldest folks in our cohort. She arrived with plans to teach and attend class but has run into a number of issues securing teaching ESL positions (that is her vocation and she has taught in several geographies over the last 20 years). She's also has not found permanent housing yet. Her funds are low and she's desperate. However, we've been praying for both of our desperate situations and believing the hand of God will provide - all to His glory and fame! I have to praise Him now for the confidence that He has given me in His faithfulness. His children shall not go begging for bread - or trustworthy, dependable, energetic, creative and fun babysitters!
Anyway, I believe tomorrow we're gonna head (Jonathan and I) to the Jardin du Luxembourg or the Luxembourg Gardens. I've been trying to get back there (visited back in 2010 with my girlfriend and former colleague, Sandy) since our first week in Paris. The weather is supposed to be quite nice and the gardens has one of the best playground in the city. The gardens themselves are absolutely stunning. Lotsa pics will be snapped - and hopefully seen by our faithful readers! Update: Here they are!
Also a couple of videos:
A GREAT BABYSITTER - PLLLLEEEEAASSSEE!:-)
The school system is so wonderful here - they really try their best to help working parents by having special activities at the school during these breaks. So, at a minimal cost, you are able to drop your child at school and go to work, knowing they'll be entertained and happy. Also, a lot of the workers work out a schedule where they have long weekends or days off during the break because there are so many family-centric activities that they can do, particularly at all the museums in the city.
I of course am a bit overwhelmed deciding exactly what we're going to do, exacerbated by the fact that I was tied up completing a 4000 word (16 page) paper that God finished on Wednesday. Let me clarify - that God wrote and finished on Wednesday, after staring it on Monday. I take no credit - and am astounded even now that it got done. He's good!
Anyway, I'm still trying to get myself together to figure out exactly what I'll do with Jonathan during the days that I'm not in class and he's off. The days I'm in class next week, he'll be at school (as described above). There are so many museums that I want to hit and parks I haven't gotten to, that I'm gonna try to hit as much of those as possible with him while the weather is decent. I will post as we go along - and hopefully with pictures that you can see. Apparently, my pics aren't showing up and I'm not sure why. I've yet to have time to investigate. It's probably because I simply copied them from my emails to the blog and likely need to actually upload them, which is a pain. I won't be able to get to the fix until the week after next. So big apologies to everyone for the tease of saying "look here" when there was nothing to look at!
Now as I was writing this, I remembered that I forgot to hand in my form for Jonathan to participate in the vacation activities on next Thursday and Friday, so I can only hope and pray that they accept the form on Monday! Please Lord!
Not that there is any assurance that I can still take the class or remain in the program because, as of today, I still do not have anyone to watch Jonathan for the Saturday class. However, I am praying and believing. Praying hard in fact. And the Lord has seen fit to seal my prayers in agreement with another by knitting me with a fellow prayer warrior who is in my cohort!
Her name is Winsome and she is an Indian heritage South African. A mighty woman of God and we have so much in common! She is 48 - so along with my 47 year old self, we're the two oldest folks in our cohort. She arrived with plans to teach and attend class but has run into a number of issues securing teaching ESL positions (that is her vocation and she has taught in several geographies over the last 20 years). She's also has not found permanent housing yet. Her funds are low and she's desperate. However, we've been praying for both of our desperate situations and believing the hand of God will provide - all to His glory and fame! I have to praise Him now for the confidence that He has given me in His faithfulness. His children shall not go begging for bread - or trustworthy, dependable, energetic, creative and fun babysitters!
Anyway, I believe tomorrow we're gonna head (Jonathan and I) to the Jardin du Luxembourg or the Luxembourg Gardens. I've been trying to get back there (visited back in 2010 with my girlfriend and former colleague, Sandy) since our first week in Paris. The weather is supposed to be quite nice and the gardens has one of the best playground in the city. The gardens themselves are absolutely stunning. Lotsa pics will be snapped - and hopefully seen by our faithful readers! Update: Here they are!
Also a couple of videos:
Finally, keep us in prayer. I really need to find Jonathan a nice little friend to play with in our neighborhood. The kids in our building do not come out of their apartments and kids in the playgrounds are not always the warmest and friendliest kids. He is so social and really needs to have constant interaction and I feel like He is starved for it outside the classroom. I unfortunately can't enroll him in any activities like soccer or karate, cause that stuff doesn't start till children are at least 4 years of age. I'm gonna look into some of the playgroup info that I got from the Bloom Where You're Planted event at the American Church and there's also a theater group that I think he would enjoy and that starts at age 3, but a cool friend or two in the neighborhood would be nice, as well. He suffered from this same issue when we were in Jersey. It wasn't so bad in NJ cause he was still in that toddler zone and toddlers sort of play by themselves even when they're playing with others. However, he's moving into that social play, little boy zone and I just want him to be able to enjoy it as much as possible - it's how he's built. I wasn't built that way - still not. I'm an introvert with a capital I - and so it's a bit hard for me to give him the extra stimuli that he requires (real hard). He can play by himself for about 10-15 minutes and then he starts acting out and needs attention - someone to play with him, so... anyway, that's the prayer for now, well that and...
A GREAT BABYSITTER - PLLLLEEEEAASSSEE!:-)
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Some images on a rainy day in the 7th
ISM (International School of Management) is located in central Paris, in the sorta bourgeoisie 7th arrondissement. This is where you see a lot of the Haussmann architecture that went up in 19th Century Paris. I learned last week at an expat event offered by The American Church in Paris (Bloom Where You are Planted), that Paris was essentially razed after the revolution, in order to create a more sanitary, organized city. Haussmann was brought in to design the buildings and worked closely with engineers to ensure that the new Paris was clean, easy to navigate, had proper sanitation, schools - all the infrastructure necessary for a city where people could live well. Before the city was razed, it was utterly disgusting. People threw their wastes out of the windows onto the streets which eventually found it's way into the canals and back into their drinking and cleaning water. Before the reconstruction, about 30,000 people died in a cholera epidemic because of the poor sanitary conditions. Buildings were just thrown up whereever there was space and because of the chaos and disorganization - and the poor living conditions - mayhem run amock: The perfect conditions for all the rebellion, crime, and war that eventually took place.
Haussmann designed the city to have main thoroughfares, or avenues, that had housing on both sides, 6 stories high, with the bottom floor meant for commerce or commercial activity. Typically the owner of the main floor business lived on what was considered the 1st floor (US 2nd floor). The very top floor, due to there not being elevators at the time the buildings were constructed, were meant for maids and other help staff. Those apartments these days, now with the buildings updated with elevators, are highly sought after, due to the amazing views of the city.
The speaker also pointed out that if you see buildings with masonry balconies, those were where the REAL rich people lived, since it was costly to create those. Those with iron clad balconies, were for those that were sorta rich:-). Nonetheless, the construction drove out of central Paris most of the folks who had dwelt there during the time of mayhem and poor sanitation - out to the outer rural areas - some of which were pulled into become part of Paris (Paris was much smaller before reconstruction). Our 19th arrondissement is one of those areas that was pulled in to become part of the city.
So, I took a couple of pics, but not really good pics of a street in the 7th. Will do more in the future. This is just a taste:
Haussmann designed the city to have main thoroughfares, or avenues, that had housing on both sides, 6 stories high, with the bottom floor meant for commerce or commercial activity. Typically the owner of the main floor business lived on what was considered the 1st floor (US 2nd floor). The very top floor, due to there not being elevators at the time the buildings were constructed, were meant for maids and other help staff. Those apartments these days, now with the buildings updated with elevators, are highly sought after, due to the amazing views of the city.
The speaker also pointed out that if you see buildings with masonry balconies, those were where the REAL rich people lived, since it was costly to create those. Those with iron clad balconies, were for those that were sorta rich:-). Nonetheless, the construction drove out of central Paris most of the folks who had dwelt there during the time of mayhem and poor sanitation - out to the outer rural areas - some of which were pulled into become part of Paris (Paris was much smaller before reconstruction). Our 19th arrondissement is one of those areas that was pulled in to become part of the city.
So, I took a couple of pics, but not really good pics of a street in the 7th. Will do more in the future. This is just a taste:
Notre maison dans le 19 (Our home in the 19th)
I finally took a few pics of our lovely apartment in the 19th. It's been a rainy overcast morning, plus we are facing West, so the best light into the apartment happens in the afternoon. That has been a bit rough, since we have to get up at 6 am and it's still soooo dark. Jonathan's had a rough time getting himself together for school. He's used to light streaming into his bedroom, which would kick him awake and then, subsequently, kick me and my mom awake, cause he would make his way to our rooms to give us his personal wake up call around 6:30 am every morning. My mother has been sleeping till 8 am and lying in bed till 9 am since we've left. In fact, she's been having the life of Riley since we left. Hanging out with girlfriends, going to the movies, just having a grand ole time. So, I praise God that my prayers for her to experience one of the best years of her life is coming to pass!
My dad is doing well, too. He was experiencing some pain in his back due to the removal of the catheter and subsequent bladder infection. They've addressed it and recommended that, because he's been having to urinate so much at night (a consequence of his bladder having gotten used to the catheter), he should use diapers at night. He hates the idea of that, but... I hate it for him, but.... In any case, overall he is well and my leaving has opened the door for other family members to step in to help out, such as his sister (who is a nurse) and two of her daughters. So, I am grateful for that.
I've struggled with guilt about leaving (as alluded to in previous comments in other posts), but that's been dissipating. Not altogether gone, but diminishing with each day we are here. I doubt it will ever completely leave. I'm blessed with both parents being alive in their advanced years and both having significant impacts on Jonathan's first 3 years. He talks about Nana and Pop Pop a lot and that part of it - him missing a chunk of time with them at this stage of their lives troubles me. My being blessed with them here and missing time with them - and time serving them as their daughter - troubles me. I can try to clean it up with a lot of rationalizations, but it's probably something I'll always wonder about: What could I have done with my parents and for them during those 10 months away? My only prayer is that the Lord, in His grace and mercy, manages to somehow give Jonathan and I back this time when we return to the states.
Anyway, enough ruminating (I always have to stick a bit of morose in my posts - LOL!) and back to apartment pics. I need to get outside and take pics of the neighborhood, as well. It's urban - as is Paris in general - but the 19th has a mix of old and new buildings, in fact, our neighborhood has quite a bit of new construction going on and we are surrounded by newer, high rise apartment buildings, with big balconies. They're very appealing. While Jonathan and I were walking one day, we came upon a business center that has the canal running through it. So nice. I'll have to go back there next week to take pics and post. That area and the adjacent Parc de la Villete are part of what is considered the Pont-de-Flandre district, an area of the 19th where the slaughterhouses used to be. A lot of the buildings in this business area are rehab'd factories, so it has a sorta downtown, NYC feel to it - actually, reminds me a lot of the Dumbo area in Brooklyn, which is one of my favorite places in NYC. Our apartment building is also a renovated factory, so the walls are thick. I never hear my neighbors and I pray it's the same for them, especially when Jonathan has one of his meltdowns (he had three last week, during that "hard for him to wake up" morning time) and just had one while I was writing this post - primarily because I was NOT paying attention to him (spoiled, spoiled, spoiled:->).
In this business district, Club Med has their headquarters office there. I had not realized it was a French-based company. It's funny, but my first solo vacation that kicked off my travel bug was a Club Med vacation to Martinique in 1990. It was a riot. I had a great time and also realized that rum and I do not go well together!
Anyway, there's so much to love about the 19th and hope to expose more and more of it during our time here...but not too much. I like that it's the Paris that most tourist don't see. It's real, gritty and absolutely lovely...
Here's our place (btw: After I took these pics, I realized that it's best not to have the naked lady artwork in clear view of a preschooler; so they are now under the futon!):
My dad is doing well, too. He was experiencing some pain in his back due to the removal of the catheter and subsequent bladder infection. They've addressed it and recommended that, because he's been having to urinate so much at night (a consequence of his bladder having gotten used to the catheter), he should use diapers at night. He hates the idea of that, but... I hate it for him, but.... In any case, overall he is well and my leaving has opened the door for other family members to step in to help out, such as his sister (who is a nurse) and two of her daughters. So, I am grateful for that.
I've struggled with guilt about leaving (as alluded to in previous comments in other posts), but that's been dissipating. Not altogether gone, but diminishing with each day we are here. I doubt it will ever completely leave. I'm blessed with both parents being alive in their advanced years and both having significant impacts on Jonathan's first 3 years. He talks about Nana and Pop Pop a lot and that part of it - him missing a chunk of time with them at this stage of their lives troubles me. My being blessed with them here and missing time with them - and time serving them as their daughter - troubles me. I can try to clean it up with a lot of rationalizations, but it's probably something I'll always wonder about: What could I have done with my parents and for them during those 10 months away? My only prayer is that the Lord, in His grace and mercy, manages to somehow give Jonathan and I back this time when we return to the states.
Anyway, enough ruminating (I always have to stick a bit of morose in my posts - LOL!) and back to apartment pics. I need to get outside and take pics of the neighborhood, as well. It's urban - as is Paris in general - but the 19th has a mix of old and new buildings, in fact, our neighborhood has quite a bit of new construction going on and we are surrounded by newer, high rise apartment buildings, with big balconies. They're very appealing. While Jonathan and I were walking one day, we came upon a business center that has the canal running through it. So nice. I'll have to go back there next week to take pics and post. That area and the adjacent Parc de la Villete are part of what is considered the Pont-de-Flandre district, an area of the 19th where the slaughterhouses used to be. A lot of the buildings in this business area are rehab'd factories, so it has a sorta downtown, NYC feel to it - actually, reminds me a lot of the Dumbo area in Brooklyn, which is one of my favorite places in NYC. Our apartment building is also a renovated factory, so the walls are thick. I never hear my neighbors and I pray it's the same for them, especially when Jonathan has one of his meltdowns (he had three last week, during that "hard for him to wake up" morning time) and just had one while I was writing this post - primarily because I was NOT paying attention to him (spoiled, spoiled, spoiled:->).
In this business district, Club Med has their headquarters office there. I had not realized it was a French-based company. It's funny, but my first solo vacation that kicked off my travel bug was a Club Med vacation to Martinique in 1990. It was a riot. I had a great time and also realized that rum and I do not go well together!
Anyway, there's so much to love about the 19th and hope to expose more and more of it during our time here...but not too much. I like that it's the Paris that most tourist don't see. It's real, gritty and absolutely lovely...
Here's our place (btw: After I took these pics, I realized that it's best not to have the naked lady artwork in clear view of a preschooler; so they are now under the futon!):
Monday, October 6, 2014
A truly good word...
I get these fantastic devotions every Monday called "The Redemptive Pursuit". There is one writer in particular that always has such insightful, penetrating messages. I just read her devotion for this week and the following line just struck me, particularly in the midst of all my NOT being in peace about life and with my God:
"We should run the risk of seeming madness in our trials with the power of our belief in him."
Man - that is what I've been lacking. Just a sure steadfastness in God's faithfulness and love for me and Jonathan. An assuredness that He will not forsake us and that He is able, even when I fall off course, to set me right again. He is sovereign and capable - I am not.
The whole devotion can be read here: The Variables of Success
"We should run the risk of seeming madness in our trials with the power of our belief in him."
Man - that is what I've been lacking. Just a sure steadfastness in God's faithfulness and love for me and Jonathan. An assuredness that He will not forsake us and that He is able, even when I fall off course, to set me right again. He is sovereign and capable - I am not.
The whole devotion can be read here: The Variables of Success
A little more sure
Sooooo....I had planned to go into the meeting with the Academic Director to tell him that I was withdrawing from the program. I had decided that I would stay in Paris while Jonathan finished out the school year in his awesome school and I would take language classes and do volunteer work during the day and just wander, wander, wander.
God had other plans.
It's funny, but this weekend when I was praying about whether this decision was truly in His will and not some crazy notion of my own, I felt moved to open up my journal that I write by hand (the real personal personal stuff). It fell open to a page that I had totally forgotten I'd even put in the journal. I did it a few days before we left to travel to Paris. In it, I laid out again my hopes for the MBA program and the outcome and how things might fall together once we were back in the states. I was beseeching the Lord to bless these hopes and somehow, in His power and grace, bring them to pass. Being in a my confused funk, I shrugged off turning to that page and chalked it up to just more evidence that my reasons for being here were lame at best. However, in hindsight, I believe the Lord let me go to that page to remind me of that prayer and that maybe, just maybe, He heard me and maybe, just maybe, what I was hoping to be the results of being in the program He is indeed willing to bring to pass.
That hindsight came in light of my discussion with the Academic Director. A very somber, professor type, who barely smiled during our whole conversation, but at the same time exudes a certain kind of warmth and openness. I was sure to stay alert - posture straight - but I was not intimidated. When I started my little speech, he gently pulled me back and started talking about options and what we can do to make this work. There actually is flexibility with the time that I can leave class so that I can pick-up Jonathan from after-school care on time and also possibilities for me to do an Executive MBA e-Learning version of a class rather than face-to-face for those classes that have a Saturday date where I can't find someone to watch Jonathan. That really was a relief to hear and a blessing from God. I feel again His stamp of approval. Why I can't stop battling doubt, fear, dread and anxiety, I don't know. However, maybe that's also why I'm here - to finally overcome these debilitating emotions from running rampant in my life .
So, onward I go. The first class that I'll be able to take starts on October 23, so I have a week and a half to get that pre-trest written (Lord help me) and get the pre-reading and pre-work done for the class. I have two short courses this week called academic writing, which should help me get back up to speed with the whole writing papers things, citing stuff, etc.. I just have to shout hallelujah and give God the Glory for his continual, systematic way of rescuing me from myself!
As a sort of celebration, I had a tasty lunch of good cheese, prosciutto, and other delicacies with a nice Chablis. Reminding me again of two of the best things - no FOUR of the best things - about being in Paris: The cheese, the bread, the butter and THE WINE!
And this morning, Jonathan went skipping, skipping to school! That made me happy. Also I'm so happy that he has TWO beautiful, young ladies for teachers. There is Mademoiselle Valentine who he has on Thursdays and Fridays. And on Mondays and Tuesdays, his teacher is Mademoiselle Esla (I love both names). Another reason to give God the Glory. This school is a blessing. Here's a pic of Jonathan in our min-kitchen before going to school today:
One note, as I close out this post: When I picked up Jonathan, Mlle Elsa had to talk to me about how he disrupted the other students while they were trying to take a nap. He hasn't had nap time since he left his last school at the end of August and they were a lot more touchy feely at that school. They sit the kids in a darkened room with soothing music and lay down next to them, stroking their backs to help soothe them to sleep. I didn't get to ask Elsa all the details of how the children are put down, but me-American boy was the outlier today and I pray ONLY today. I have had my own issues at home getting him to be a lot quieter in his play - we're not in a free-standing home now, we have neighbors to consider. I have to keep repeating and repeating myself and it's wearisome. At night he'll talk and talk and sing and make noises and I have to repeat and repeat myself to tell him to be quiet and go to sleep. This weekend he woke up in the middle of the night and did the same thing. This middle of the night stuff is new behavior.
We had several conversations tonight - several - and I think he finally got it. When I put him down after reading his bedtime story and saying our prayers, he started talking and I said, Jonathan, that will need to be the last word out of your mouth. Please turn over and go to sleep. And he did!
The Lord has made him the way he has made him and it is all perfectly good and all according to God's plan. I want to just say that and rejoice in that and I will. I give it to God to manage his behavior because my words, in the final analysis, are not enough, nor are his teachers. It's up to God. To Him is all power and majesty and He can move Jonathan to act appropriately in different environments. Thank you, Jesus!!!
God had other plans.
It's funny, but this weekend when I was praying about whether this decision was truly in His will and not some crazy notion of my own, I felt moved to open up my journal that I write by hand (the real personal personal stuff). It fell open to a page that I had totally forgotten I'd even put in the journal. I did it a few days before we left to travel to Paris. In it, I laid out again my hopes for the MBA program and the outcome and how things might fall together once we were back in the states. I was beseeching the Lord to bless these hopes and somehow, in His power and grace, bring them to pass. Being in a my confused funk, I shrugged off turning to that page and chalked it up to just more evidence that my reasons for being here were lame at best. However, in hindsight, I believe the Lord let me go to that page to remind me of that prayer and that maybe, just maybe, He heard me and maybe, just maybe, what I was hoping to be the results of being in the program He is indeed willing to bring to pass.
That hindsight came in light of my discussion with the Academic Director. A very somber, professor type, who barely smiled during our whole conversation, but at the same time exudes a certain kind of warmth and openness. I was sure to stay alert - posture straight - but I was not intimidated. When I started my little speech, he gently pulled me back and started talking about options and what we can do to make this work. There actually is flexibility with the time that I can leave class so that I can pick-up Jonathan from after-school care on time and also possibilities for me to do an Executive MBA e-Learning version of a class rather than face-to-face for those classes that have a Saturday date where I can't find someone to watch Jonathan. That really was a relief to hear and a blessing from God. I feel again His stamp of approval. Why I can't stop battling doubt, fear, dread and anxiety, I don't know. However, maybe that's also why I'm here - to finally overcome these debilitating emotions from running rampant in my life .
So, onward I go. The first class that I'll be able to take starts on October 23, so I have a week and a half to get that pre-trest written (Lord help me) and get the pre-reading and pre-work done for the class. I have two short courses this week called academic writing, which should help me get back up to speed with the whole writing papers things, citing stuff, etc.. I just have to shout hallelujah and give God the Glory for his continual, systematic way of rescuing me from myself!
As a sort of celebration, I had a tasty lunch of good cheese, prosciutto, and other delicacies with a nice Chablis. Reminding me again of two of the best things - no FOUR of the best things - about being in Paris: The cheese, the bread, the butter and THE WINE!
And this morning, Jonathan went skipping, skipping to school! That made me happy. Also I'm so happy that he has TWO beautiful, young ladies for teachers. There is Mademoiselle Valentine who he has on Thursdays and Fridays. And on Mondays and Tuesdays, his teacher is Mademoiselle Esla (I love both names). Another reason to give God the Glory. This school is a blessing. Here's a pic of Jonathan in our min-kitchen before going to school today:
One note, as I close out this post: When I picked up Jonathan, Mlle Elsa had to talk to me about how he disrupted the other students while they were trying to take a nap. He hasn't had nap time since he left his last school at the end of August and they were a lot more touchy feely at that school. They sit the kids in a darkened room with soothing music and lay down next to them, stroking their backs to help soothe them to sleep. I didn't get to ask Elsa all the details of how the children are put down, but me-American boy was the outlier today and I pray ONLY today. I have had my own issues at home getting him to be a lot quieter in his play - we're not in a free-standing home now, we have neighbors to consider. I have to keep repeating and repeating myself and it's wearisome. At night he'll talk and talk and sing and make noises and I have to repeat and repeat myself to tell him to be quiet and go to sleep. This weekend he woke up in the middle of the night and did the same thing. This middle of the night stuff is new behavior.
We had several conversations tonight - several - and I think he finally got it. When I put him down after reading his bedtime story and saying our prayers, he started talking and I said, Jonathan, that will need to be the last word out of your mouth. Please turn over and go to sleep. And he did!
The Lord has made him the way he has made him and it is all perfectly good and all according to God's plan. I want to just say that and rejoice in that and I will. I give it to God to manage his behavior because my words, in the final analysis, are not enough, nor are his teachers. It's up to God. To Him is all power and majesty and He can move Jonathan to act appropriately in different environments. Thank you, Jesus!!!
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
I just don't know...
All went wonderful today at the school. The Director is a gentle giant of a man who was so cordial and sweet to me and Jonathan. It turns out that Jonathan's class has two English-speaking teachers, which will help with him getting acclimated to this new environment and new students. I walked out of there quite excited about how the Lord will work in his life through this school - and pray that he truly enjoys it.
I did encounter a couple of more hiccups, though. One was in terms of arranging Jonathan's lunches and afterschool program participation. You have to do a separate application through the arrondissement's La Caisse des Ecoles, which is a different set of administrative office that handles this area of the schools. The Director gave me a form to fill out (in French), which using Google Translate, wasn't too hard to do, and I made my way to the Caisse offices (also in the main mairie building). The sweet agent who helped me (while Jonathan had one of his outbursts of activities and not listening to me...knocking over items on her desk, crawling under the desk, etc. -- we had just eaten, and I get a sense that when his insulin is high after food consumption, he's that much more crazy! I should have gone there BEFORE we ate), let me know that I would need a letter, in French, explaining my situation, along with a print out and copy of a rent payment, and two copies of my lease, and copies of my bank account statement. They would then calculate exactly how much I would have to pay (it's on a sliding scale based on income). I'm about to draft that letter now (again using google translate - thank God for that tool!) and send it to the school's student coordinator, Justin, to see if he can print out copies of that for me to pick up tomorrow.
The other hiccup is that the first day of school tomorrow for Jonathan is mandatory 1/2 day. I will have to pick him up before lunchtime. I totally agree that is the best thing to do. However, it also means that I had to unregister from the first class, Executive Leadership. Part of me is relieved. Part of me is dumbfounded. As I wrote earlier, I'm just not even sure I want to go through with this program. I thought I had a plan attached to it and a reason for doing it, but now, it all seems baseless and futile. Maybe we're just here for Jonathan to go to school. However, the issue there is if I'm not here as a student and can't get my OSCII endorsed as one by remaining in the program, than we will have to return to the states. What a mess.
The Academic Director (Matthew), requested a meeting with me on Monday. He responded to my last note about having to unregister from class AND miss orientation by stating that it's unforunate that I did miss orientation and that typically if a student cannot make it, he recommends that they defer enrollment. He understands my extinuating circumstances, and agreed that I should opt out of Exec Leadership. However, he wants to meet with me for 30 minutes before I enroll in any future seminars. So, maybe the door will be open in that meeting to simply say, you know what, this was not a good decision on my part.
I believe that I can get 1/2 of my tuition back if I unenroll. At this point so much money and time has been wasted it's all a wash. Yet, returning just yet doesn't seem right at all. I know that under my passport alone I can stay for at least 3 months, but that puts sweet Herve out after all that he has done to help me.
What a selfish, self-focused, trying to get my life straight on my own mess I have gotten myself into. I think to myself how, if I was gonna hit my retirement savings, at least I could have used the money for something more worthwhile, like helping out my parents, and not for my own selfish interests. I feel so foolish. So so foolish.
I never got around to sending the follow-up note to Laetitia about her sister Sandrine, and caring for Jonathan on Saturdays , and at this point, I don't want to bother. I need to hear from God and hear from Him good about what to do next.
Gonna go silent for a bit until I know for sure.
I did encounter a couple of more hiccups, though. One was in terms of arranging Jonathan's lunches and afterschool program participation. You have to do a separate application through the arrondissement's La Caisse des Ecoles, which is a different set of administrative office that handles this area of the schools. The Director gave me a form to fill out (in French), which using Google Translate, wasn't too hard to do, and I made my way to the Caisse offices (also in the main mairie building). The sweet agent who helped me (while Jonathan had one of his outbursts of activities and not listening to me...knocking over items on her desk, crawling under the desk, etc. -- we had just eaten, and I get a sense that when his insulin is high after food consumption, he's that much more crazy! I should have gone there BEFORE we ate), let me know that I would need a letter, in French, explaining my situation, along with a print out and copy of a rent payment, and two copies of my lease, and copies of my bank account statement. They would then calculate exactly how much I would have to pay (it's on a sliding scale based on income). I'm about to draft that letter now (again using google translate - thank God for that tool!) and send it to the school's student coordinator, Justin, to see if he can print out copies of that for me to pick up tomorrow.
The other hiccup is that the first day of school tomorrow for Jonathan is mandatory 1/2 day. I will have to pick him up before lunchtime. I totally agree that is the best thing to do. However, it also means that I had to unregister from the first class, Executive Leadership. Part of me is relieved. Part of me is dumbfounded. As I wrote earlier, I'm just not even sure I want to go through with this program. I thought I had a plan attached to it and a reason for doing it, but now, it all seems baseless and futile. Maybe we're just here for Jonathan to go to school. However, the issue there is if I'm not here as a student and can't get my OSCII endorsed as one by remaining in the program, than we will have to return to the states. What a mess.
The Academic Director (Matthew), requested a meeting with me on Monday. He responded to my last note about having to unregister from class AND miss orientation by stating that it's unforunate that I did miss orientation and that typically if a student cannot make it, he recommends that they defer enrollment. He understands my extinuating circumstances, and agreed that I should opt out of Exec Leadership. However, he wants to meet with me for 30 minutes before I enroll in any future seminars. So, maybe the door will be open in that meeting to simply say, you know what, this was not a good decision on my part.
I believe that I can get 1/2 of my tuition back if I unenroll. At this point so much money and time has been wasted it's all a wash. Yet, returning just yet doesn't seem right at all. I know that under my passport alone I can stay for at least 3 months, but that puts sweet Herve out after all that he has done to help me.
What a selfish, self-focused, trying to get my life straight on my own mess I have gotten myself into. I think to myself how, if I was gonna hit my retirement savings, at least I could have used the money for something more worthwhile, like helping out my parents, and not for my own selfish interests. I feel so foolish. So so foolish.
I never got around to sending the follow-up note to Laetitia about her sister Sandrine, and caring for Jonathan on Saturdays , and at this point, I don't want to bother. I need to hear from God and hear from Him good about what to do next.
Gonna go silent for a bit until I know for sure.
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