Answered prayer - and never leave your window open...

So it's been awhile since I posted. Why?  Well, I was without a netbook for a little over a week.  Why?

I got robbed.

Yeah, on Sunday, October 19th, on the last day of a seven day period of prayer and consecration with my prayer partner, Winsome, the Lord miraculously brought a caretaker for Jonathan through the American Church in Paris.  A young lady named Jacqueline sent me an email that morning - the day that we were believing an answer would come - stating that she would be available for 10/25 and 11/8 and possibly for the dates in 2015 - if things work out that she remains in Paris.  She recently graduated from a Grad program in Dance Research and she and her French husband might end up relocating back to her native California.  I'll find out for sure in a month.  However, the Lord later in the week sent another sweet woman from Morocco who is a nanny by  profession, but has weekends free, and if Jacqueline is not available, I will likely employ her for 2015.  So, all in all, the Lord moved mightily on my behalf!  I'm still numb by how it all worked out.

And then I got even more numb that evening, but not in a joyous way - at least not at first.

In a rush to get to church on this glorious Sunday, after getting that news and having prayer and communion with Winsome to close off our 7 day prayer fest (we're still meeting to pray weekly over our needs and other situations), I forgot to close one of the windows of my ground floor apartment - an absolute no no in my neighborhood.  It was a hot day that Sunday, which is why I opened it.  How absolutely unnerving it was to arrive home and walk past our apartment to see the window WIDE open and to peer in to see my netbook not on the table.  They lifted it.  The blessing is that they had to work fast because they did it in broad daylight and in clear view of the neighborhood boulangerie.

I did the slow walk of death to the apartment to open it to see that was pretty much all they had time to get - until I realized later that they also took my $120 travel knapsack that held a lot of my school supplies, some travel books and games for Jonathan, most of my computer, cell phone and Jonathan's Kindle paraphernalia and my mifi - which I hadn't been able to use over here in France, but am still paying for through my AT & T contract (I deactivated it that night, but still need to cancel that part of my plan).

I was depressed, regretful, sad, upset, every emotion under the sun. However, overnight the Lord set my heart straight.  I was foolish, this was the consequence, but He IS A GOOD GOD who is able to work all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  So, something good will come out of it - and in a way I am grateful it happened.  It set me on a course for some other improvements in my life - not to talk about here - but things in many other areas need to change and I guess this was a motivating influence.  So I give Him praise!

Plus, it was also a tool of the enemy to discourage me in light of the amazing answer to prayer that the Lord gave me.  I was discouraged for a minute, but did not remain despondent. Thank you, Jesus.
I immediately ordered a new netbook from Amazon - more expensive than the one I had (which the Lord had miraculously put in my hands at a discount from Kmart right before I left IBM and it had been an absolute peach of a little netbook the whole time I had it - that still brings me some sadness that such a gift was taken away).  Because I can't seem to order anything from Amazon to ship directly to my Paris address, I had to have it shipped to my parents and then my mom shipped it to me. I got it on Tuesday of this week.  And it's not working at all like the previous one, and I'll probably have to anoint it with oil and pray over it to get it to act right - to ward off any creeping up of sadness and disappointment that comes over me when I realize this thing is a shell of what I had.  I guess it's like the old folks in Haggai who were sad when they saw the restored temple, realizing it wasn't as great as the original.  The original had been torn down as a result of their disobedience.  My netbook was taken as a result of my carelessness - maybe even pride, as Winsome had asked me a few days before if it was wise to leave the netbook out with the one window cracked (one of the two windows has a burglary prevention bar on it) and I was like, "oh, it'll be fine.  The other window is locked and to get into this emergency locked one that's cracked they would have to make a whole lot of ruckus on this busy street."  Foolish me.  Okay, let me stop - see how quickly the enemy can get you into negative thinking!

Needless to say, I now make sure both windows are closed and locked and that the metal screens are DOWN!!!

Okay, enough of that.  More good news to share.  The answered prayers haven't stopped. Here's Winsome's story...

So, we were still waiting for the Lord to come through in regards to finding Winsome housing.  This past week I had my first class with the cohort - Financial Statement Analysis. I really enjoyed it.  We have this final project that most of the cohort decided to meet to work on together that Sunday.  I couldn't go because I have Jonathan and he would not have been able to sit still and play for 2 hours.

Winsome normally wouldn't have attended either, but she decided to go ahead and attend. However, it meant that she would have to go to the earlier 11 AM service at The American Church in Paris.

So, she attends that service.  The night before she had hit rock bottom and totally surrendered all the circumstances of her remaining in Paris to the Lord - what the great Christian writer Catherine Marshall calls the "Prayer of Relinquishment".  She forgot to turn her clock back so she ended up getting there at 10 AM and the Senior Pastor greeted her and then asked her if she'd like coffee.  They chatted and she related her story. He prayed for her and then went his way.

The sermon that day was about tithing and giving offerings and Winsome was really tore up by it for brought to memory how she had been faithfully dedicating her tithes for the whole year in preparation for God's sufficiency and care while in Paris, only to see Him not move on her behalf - at least, not yet...

So, still tore up from the sermon, she gets up to leave for the library and the work group, but when she nears the exit, decides to go to the coffee social first, because she had some time to spare.

She heads there and a woman, in a choir gown is standing with a sign that reads "Need Prayer".  Well, Winsome thought to herself, what can it hurt - I certainly could use more prayer if it's being offered.

She walks over and the lovely lady engages her in discussion and again Winsome relates her story.  The woman starts to tear up and says:

"I want to cry...Winsome, we have a room in our house.  Would you like to come stay with us?"

Winsome starts to cry...and cry.  They're both bawling!

Winsome moved in yesterday.  It's a lovely apartment in the lucrative 15th arrondissment that this American woman shares with her husband and college aged daughter.   It will only be till the end of December, but now that she's in a stable place, it will allow her to seek God and be led of Him to secure the funding and additional housing that she'll need until the program ends in July.  God will provide.

And yes:  God moved.  Period.  According to our prayer and in such a well orchestrated way that it still astounds me, especially the answer to our petitions for Winsome's housing:

She normally wouldn't do the study group, but decided to go.

She had to go to 11 AM service rather than 1:30 (Jonathan and I attended 1:30 and went to the coffee social, and there was no one there with a sign saying "Need Prayer").

She got there too early and got prayer from the senior pastor.

She then decided not to go immediately to the library after church but to the coffee social.

She sees the woman with the choir gown at the coffee social.

She gets a place to stay.

So, we are rejoicing!  If God can do all that - get me a caretaker and get her a home - than all the other incredible requests we're making, well, we're believing He can answer those too.

And WE ARE BELIEVING according to the words of Jesus Himself:

"Again I say to that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them  My Father in heaven.  For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:19-20)

AMEN!

Vacances de la Toussaint 2014 (Thanksgiving Holiday)

Tomorrow, October 18th, is the start of the Vacances de la Touissaint - Thanksgiving Holiday - for the schools in Paris.  There is a national holiday on Nov 1 that falls within this break called Touissant or All Saints Day - a holiday celebrated in most Catholic entrenched countries like France.  It's primarily to remember all of the Christian Saints and Christian believers who have passed.  Jonathan will be out of school for two weeks.  The first two week break out of four that he'll have in the school year.  He'll have a Christmas break in December, a winter break in February and then a spring break in April.  It's pretty awesome. How I wish it had been like this for me when I was in primary and secondary school!

The school system is so wonderful here - they really try their best to help working parents by having special activities at the school during these breaks.  So, at a minimal cost, you are able to drop your child at school and go to work, knowing they'll be entertained and happy.  Also, a lot of the workers work out a schedule where they have long weekends or days off during the break because there are so many family-centric activities that they can do, particularly at all the museums in the city.

I of course am a bit overwhelmed deciding exactly what we're going to do, exacerbated by the fact that I was tied up completing a 4000 word (16 page) paper that God finished on Wednesday.  Let me clarify - that God wrote and finished on Wednesday, after staring it on Monday.  I take no credit - and am astounded even now that it got done.  He's good!

Anyway, I'm still trying to get myself together to figure out exactly what I'll do with Jonathan during the days that I'm not in class and he's off.  The days I'm in class next week, he'll be at school (as described above).  There are so many museums that I want to hit and parks I haven't gotten to, that I'm gonna try to hit as much of those as possible with him while the weather is decent.  I will post as we go along - and hopefully with pictures that you can see.  Apparently, my pics aren't showing up and I'm not sure why. I've yet to have time to investigate. It's probably because I simply copied them from my emails to the blog and likely need to actually upload them, which is a pain.   I won't be able to get to the fix until the week after next.  So big apologies to everyone for the tease of saying "look here" when there was nothing to look at!

Now as I was writing this, I remembered that I forgot to hand in my form for Jonathan to participate in the vacation activities on next Thursday and Friday, so I can only hope and pray that they accept the form on Monday!  Please Lord!

Not that there is any assurance that I can still take the class or remain in the program because, as of today, I still do not have anyone to watch Jonathan for the Saturday class.  However, I am praying and believing. Praying hard in fact.  And the Lord has seen fit to seal my prayers in agreement with another by knitting me with a fellow prayer warrior who is in my cohort!

Her name is Winsome and she is an Indian heritage South African. A mighty woman of God and we have so much in common!  She is 48 - so along with my 47 year old self, we're the two oldest folks in our cohort.  She arrived with plans to teach and attend class but has run into a number of issues securing teaching ESL positions (that is her vocation and she has taught in several geographies over the last 20 years). She's also has not found permanent housing yet. Her funds are low and she's desperate. However, we've been praying for both of our desperate situations and believing the hand of God will provide - all to His glory and fame!  I have to praise Him now for the confidence that He has given me in His faithfulness.  His children shall not go begging for bread - or trustworthy, dependable, energetic, creative and fun babysitters!

Anyway, I believe tomorrow we're gonna head (Jonathan and I) to the Jardin du Luxembourg or the Luxembourg Gardens. I've been trying to get back there (visited back in 2010 with my girlfriend and former colleague, Sandy) since our first week in Paris. The weather is supposed to be quite nice and the gardens has one of the best playground in the city.  The gardens themselves are absolutely stunning.  Lotsa pics will be snapped - and hopefully seen by our faithful readers!  Update:  Here they are! 


 
 
 

Also a couple of videos:

Finally, keep us in prayer.  I really need to find Jonathan a nice little friend to play with in our neighborhood.  The kids in our building do not come out of their apartments and kids in the playgrounds are not always the warmest and friendliest kids.  He is so social and really needs to have constant interaction and I feel like He is starved for it outside the classroom.  I unfortunately can't enroll him in any activities like soccer or karate, cause that stuff doesn't start till children are at least 4 years of age.  I'm gonna look into some of the playgroup info that I got from the Bloom Where You're Planted event at the American Church and there's also a theater group that I think he would enjoy and that starts at age 3, but a cool friend or two in the neighborhood would be nice, as well.  He suffered from this same issue when we were in Jersey. It wasn't so bad in NJ cause he was still in that toddler zone and toddlers sort of play by themselves even when they're playing with others. However, he's moving into that social play, little boy zone and I just want him to be able to enjoy it as much as possible - it's how he's built. I wasn't built that way - still not. I'm an introvert with a capital I - and so it's a bit hard for me to give him the extra stimuli that he requires (real hard).  He can play by himself for about 10-15 minutes and then he starts acting out and needs attention - someone to play with him, so... anyway, that's the prayer for now, well that and...

A GREAT BABYSITTER - PLLLLEEEEAASSSEE!:-)

Some images on a rainy day in the 7th

ISM (International School of Management) is located in central Paris, in the sorta bourgeoisie 7th arrondissement.  This is where you see a lot of the Haussmann architecture that went up in 19th Century Paris.  I learned last week at an expat event offered by The American Church in Paris (Bloom Where You are Planted), that Paris was essentially razed after the revolution, in order to create a more sanitary, organized city.  Haussmann was brought in to design the buildings and worked closely with engineers to ensure that the new Paris was clean, easy to navigate, had proper sanitation, schools - all the infrastructure necessary for a city where people could live well. Before the city was razed, it was utterly disgusting. People threw their wastes out of the windows onto the streets which eventually found it's way into the canals and back into their drinking and cleaning water.  Before the reconstruction, about 30,000 people died in a cholera epidemic because of the poor sanitary conditions.  Buildings were just thrown up whereever there was space and because of the chaos and disorganization - and the poor living conditions - mayhem run amock:  The perfect conditions for all the rebellion, crime, and war that eventually took place.

Haussmann designed the city to have main thoroughfares, or avenues, that had housing on both sides, 6 stories high, with the bottom floor meant for commerce or commercial activity. Typically the owner of the main floor business lived on what was considered the 1st floor (US 2nd floor).  The very top floor, due to there not being elevators at the time the buildings were constructed, were meant for maids and other help staff.  Those apartments these days, now with the buildings updated with elevators, are highly sought after, due to the amazing views of the city.

The speaker also pointed out that if you see buildings with masonry balconies, those were where the REAL rich people lived, since it was costly to create those.  Those with iron clad balconies, were for those that were sorta rich:-).  Nonetheless, the construction drove out of central Paris most of the folks who had dwelt there during the time of mayhem and poor sanitation - out to the outer rural areas - some of which were pulled into become part of Paris (Paris was much smaller before reconstruction).  Our 19th arrondissement is one of those areas that was pulled in to become part of the city.

So, I took a couple of pics, but not really good pics of a street in the 7th. Will do more in the future. This is just a taste:

 
 

Notre maison dans le 19 (Our home in the 19th)

I finally took a few pics of our lovely apartment in the 19th.  It's been a rainy overcast morning, plus we are facing West, so the best light into the apartment happens in the afternoon.  That has been a bit rough, since we have to get up at 6 am and it's still soooo dark.  Jonathan's had a rough time getting himself together for school. He's used to light streaming into his bedroom, which would kick him awake and then, subsequently, kick me and my mom awake, cause he would make his way to our rooms to give us his personal wake up call around 6:30 am every morning.  My mother has been sleeping till 8 am and lying in bed till 9 am since we've left. In fact, she's been having the life of Riley since we left. Hanging out with girlfriends, going to the movies, just having a grand ole time. So, I praise God that my prayers for her to experience one of the best years of her life is coming to pass!

My dad is doing well, too.  He was experiencing some pain in his back due to the removal of the catheter and subsequent bladder infection.  They've addressed it and recommended that, because he's been having to urinate so much at night (a consequence of his bladder having gotten used to the catheter), he should use diapers at night.  He hates the idea of that, but...  I hate it for him, but....  In any case, overall he is well and my leaving has opened the door for other family members to step in to help out, such as his sister (who is a nurse) and two of her daughters.  So, I am grateful for that.

I've struggled with guilt about leaving (as alluded to in previous comments in other posts), but that's been dissipating.  Not altogether gone, but diminishing with each day we are here. I doubt it will ever completely leave.  I'm blessed with both parents being alive in their advanced years and both having significant impacts on Jonathan's first 3 years.  He talks about Nana and Pop Pop a lot and that part of it - him missing a chunk of time with them at this stage of their lives troubles me.  My being blessed with them here and missing time with them - and time serving them as their daughter - troubles me.  I can try to clean it up with a lot of rationalizations, but it's probably something I'll always wonder about:  What could I have done with my parents and for them during those 10 months away?  My only prayer is that the Lord, in His grace and mercy, manages to somehow give Jonathan and I back this time when we return to the states.

Anyway, enough ruminating (I always have to stick a bit of morose in my posts - LOL!) and back to apartment pics.  I need to get outside and take pics of the neighborhood, as well.  It's urban - as is Paris in general - but the 19th has a mix of old and new buildings, in fact, our neighborhood has quite a bit of new construction going on and we are surrounded by newer, high rise apartment buildings, with big balconies.  They're very appealing.  While Jonathan and I were walking one day, we came upon a business center that has the canal running through it.  So nice.  I'll have to go back there next week to take pics and post.  That area and the adjacent Parc de la Villete are part of what is considered the Pont-de-Flandre district, an area of the 19th where the slaughterhouses used to be.  A lot of the buildings in this business area are rehab'd factories, so it has a sorta downtown, NYC feel to it - actually, reminds me a lot of the Dumbo area in Brooklyn, which is one of my favorite places in NYC.  Our apartment building is also a renovated factory, so the walls are thick. I never hear my neighbors and I pray it's the same for them, especially when Jonathan has one of his meltdowns (he had three last week, during that "hard for him to wake up" morning time) and just had one while I was writing this post - primarily because I was NOT paying attention to him (spoiled, spoiled, spoiled:->).

In this business district, Club Med has their headquarters office there.  I had not realized it was a French-based company. It's funny, but my first solo vacation that kicked off my travel bug was a Club Med vacation to Martinique in 1990.  It was a riot. I had a great time and also realized that rum and I do not go well together!

Anyway, there's so much to love about the 19th and hope to expose more and more of it during our time here...but not too much. I like that it's the Paris that most tourist don't see. It's real, gritty and absolutely lovely...

Here's our place (btw:  After I took these pics, I realized that it's best not to have the naked lady artwork in clear view of a preschooler; so they are now under the futon!):

 

A truly good word...

I get these fantastic devotions every Monday called "The Redemptive Pursuit".  There is one writer in particular that always has such insightful, penetrating messages.  I just read her devotion for this week and the following line just struck me, particularly in the midst of all my NOT being in peace about life and with my God:

"We should run the risk of seeming madness in our trials with the power of our belief in him."

Man - that is what I've been lacking.  Just a sure steadfastness in God's faithfulness and love for me and Jonathan.  An assuredness that He will not forsake us and that He is able, even when I fall off course, to set me right again.  He is sovereign and capable - I am not.

The whole devotion can be read here:  The Variables of Success

A little more sure

Sooooo....I had planned to go into the meeting with the Academic Director to tell him that I was withdrawing from the program. I had decided that I would stay in Paris while Jonathan finished out the school year in his awesome school and I would take language classes and do volunteer work during the day and just wander, wander, wander.

God had other plans.

It's funny, but this weekend when I was praying about whether this decision was truly in His will and not some crazy notion of my own, I felt moved to open up my journal that I write by hand (the real personal personal stuff).  It fell open to a page that I had totally forgotten I'd even put in the journal. I did it a few days before we left to travel to Paris. In it, I laid out again my hopes for the MBA program and the outcome and how things might fall together once we were back in the states.  I was beseeching the Lord to bless these hopes and somehow, in His power and grace, bring them to pass.  Being in a my confused funk, I shrugged off turning to that page and chalked it up to just more evidence that my reasons for being here were lame at best.  However, in hindsight, I believe the Lord let me go to that page to remind me of that prayer and that maybe, just maybe, He heard me and maybe, just maybe, what I was hoping to be the results of being in the program He is indeed willing to bring to pass.

That hindsight came in light of my discussion with the Academic Director.  A very somber, professor type, who barely smiled during our whole conversation, but at the same time exudes a certain kind of warmth and openness.  I was sure to stay alert - posture straight - but I was not intimidated.  When I started my little speech, he gently pulled me back and started talking about options and what we can do to make this work.  There actually is flexibility with the time that I can leave class so that I can pick-up Jonathan from after-school care on time and also possibilities for me to do an Executive MBA e-Learning version of a class rather than face-to-face for those classes that have a Saturday date where I can't find someone to watch Jonathan.  That really was a relief to hear and a blessing from God.  I feel again His stamp of approval.  Why I can't stop battling doubt, fear, dread and anxiety, I don't know.  However, maybe that's also why I'm here - to finally overcome these debilitating emotions from running rampant in my life .

So, onward I go. The first class that I'll be able to take starts on October 23, so I have a week and a half to get that pre-trest written (Lord help me) and get the pre-reading and pre-work done for the class.  I have two short courses this week called academic writing, which should help me get back  up to speed with the whole writing papers things, citing stuff, etc..  I just have to shout hallelujah and give God the Glory for his continual, systematic way of rescuing me from myself!

As a sort of celebration, I had a tasty lunch of good cheese, prosciutto, and other delicacies with a nice Chablis.  Reminding me again of two of the best things - no FOUR of the best things - about being in Paris:  The cheese, the bread, the butter and THE WINE!

And this morning, Jonathan went skipping, skipping to school!  That made me happy. Also I'm so happy that he has TWO beautiful, young ladies for teachers.  There is Mademoiselle Valentine who he has on Thursdays and Fridays.  And on Mondays and Tuesdays, his teacher is Mademoiselle Esla (I love both names).  Another reason to give God the Glory.  This school is a blessing.  Here's a pic of Jonathan in our min-kitchen before going to school today:
 

One note, as I close out this post:  When I picked up Jonathan, Mlle Elsa had to talk to me about how he disrupted the other students while they were trying to take a nap.  He hasn't had nap time since he left his last school at the end of August and they were a lot more touchy feely at that school. They sit the kids in a darkened room with soothing music and lay down next to them,  stroking their backs to help soothe them to sleep.  I didn't get to ask Elsa all the details of how the children are put down, but me-American boy was the outlier today and I pray ONLY today.  I have had my own issues at home getting him to be a lot quieter in his play - we're not in a free-standing home now, we have neighbors to consider.  I have to keep repeating and repeating myself and it's wearisome.  At night he'll talk and talk and sing and make noises and I have to repeat and repeat myself to tell him to be quiet and go to sleep. This weekend he woke up in the middle of the night and did the same thing. This middle of the night stuff is new behavior.

We had several conversations tonight - several - and I think he finally got it.  When I put him down after reading his bedtime story and saying our prayers, he started talking and I said, Jonathan, that will need to be the last word out of your mouth. Please turn over and go to sleep.  And he did!

The Lord has made him the way he has made him and it is all perfectly good and all according to God's plan.  I want to just say that and rejoice in that and I will. I give it to God to manage his behavior because my words, in the final analysis, are not enough, nor are his teachers. It's up to God.  To Him is all power and majesty and He can move Jonathan to act appropriately in different environments. Thank you, Jesus!!!

I just don't know...

All went wonderful today at the school.  The Director is a gentle giant of a man who was so cordial and sweet to me and Jonathan.  It turns out that Jonathan's class has two English-speaking teachers, which will help with him getting acclimated to this new environment and new students.  I walked out of there quite excited about how the Lord will work in his life through this school - and pray that he truly enjoys it.

I did encounter a couple of more hiccups, though.  One was in terms of arranging Jonathan's lunches and afterschool program participation.  You have to do a separate application through the arrondissement's La Caisse des Ecoles, which is a different set of administrative office that handles this area of the schools.  The Director gave me a form to fill out (in French), which using Google Translate, wasn't too hard to do, and I made my way to the Caisse offices (also in the main mairie building).  The sweet agent who helped me (while Jonathan had one of his outbursts of activities and not listening to me...knocking over items on her desk, crawling under the desk, etc. -- we had just eaten, and I get a sense that when his insulin is high after food consumption, he's that much more crazy!  I should have gone there BEFORE we ate), let me know that I would need a letter, in French, explaining my situation, along with a print out and copy of a rent payment, and two copies of my lease, and copies of my bank account statement. They would then calculate exactly how much I would have to pay (it's on a sliding scale based on income).  I'm about to draft that letter now (again using google translate - thank God for that tool!) and send it to the school's student coordinator, Justin, to see if he can print out copies of that for me to pick up tomorrow.

The other hiccup is that the first day of school tomorrow for Jonathan is mandatory 1/2 day. I will have to pick him up before lunchtime. I totally agree that is the best thing to do.  However, it also means that I had to unregister from the first class, Executive Leadership.  Part of me is relieved.  Part of me is dumbfounded.  As I wrote earlier, I'm just not even sure I want to go through with this program.  I thought I had a plan attached to it and a reason for doing it, but now, it all seems baseless and futile. Maybe we're just here for Jonathan to go to school. However, the issue there is if I'm not here as a student and can't get my OSCII endorsed as one by remaining in the program, than we will have to return to the states.  What a mess.

The Academic Director (Matthew), requested a meeting with me on Monday.  He responded to my last note about having to unregister from class AND miss orientation by stating that it's unforunate that I did miss orientation and that typically if a student cannot make it, he recommends that they defer enrollment.  He understands my extinuating circumstances, and agreed that I should opt out of Exec Leadership. However, he wants to meet with me for 30 minutes before I enroll in any future seminars.  So, maybe the door will be open in that meeting to simply say, you know what, this was not a good decision on my part.

I believe that I can get 1/2 of my tuition back if I unenroll. At this point so much money and time has been wasted it's all a wash.  Yet, returning just yet doesn't seem right at all.  I know that under my passport alone I can stay for at least 3 months, but that puts sweet Herve out after all that he has done to help me.  

What a selfish, self-focused, trying to get my life straight on my own mess I have gotten myself into. I think to myself how, if I was gonna hit my retirement savings, at least I could have used the money for something more worthwhile, like helping out my parents, and not for my own selfish interests.  I feel so foolish. So so foolish.

I never got around to sending the follow-up note to Laetitia about her sister Sandrine, and caring for Jonathan on Saturdays , and at this point, I don't want to bother.  I need to hear from God and hear from Him good about what to do next.

Gonna go silent for a bit until I know for sure.

Okay...

So, all went great at the mairie yesterday!  Yay!  I wish I had my phone so I could take a shot of the inscription letter that the lovely woman that I had been working with that I finally got again gave me.  It took all of 15 minutes to process it.  

With that in hand, it was lunch-time, which here in Paris for the schools, is a two hour break, so Jonathan and I headed back to the two parks that we saw on our canal walk Monday.  Turns out the mairie is actually very close to that area, so we just walked from there.  It was nice. Jonathan had fun with a little girl at one of the parks.  And then at the second park, he ran silly with some Hasidic Jewish boys who were having playtime during there afternoon break.  A park full of 6-8 year old boys is absolutely insane. Jonathan jumped right in, though.  I'm just amazed at how he has no fear of the unknown - unlike his mommy:-).

We then had lunch at this place called Belushi's.  It's an American-Style restaruant located throughout Europe.  It has a hostel type inn associated with it (or next door) called St. Christopher's Inn.  So, I heard a lot of English speaking in the restaurant. And we had a lovely German waitress who was entralled when I told her she barely had an accent.  When I told her I was from NJ, she really though that was a great compliment.  She blessed us with a 25% discount on our bill and also brought Jonathan a free bowl of frites!

After that, we headed to the Orange store (an internet/phone provider here in France) and finally ordered wifi,, cable and home phone service.  However, they won't install it until 10/13.  Egags!  I was hoping to have a phone to use in the apartment by at least the end of the week.  Oh well.  I just hope and pray that my sweet neighbor does not block me from using his wi-fi before the 13th so that I can at least continue to email folks from home (and update this blog:->).

Then, finally, we got to the school.  I suppose I delayed it a bit cause I was nervous that something would go wrong. And it sorta did: The Director was not available.  However, we got amazing help from a young woman named Lucy, who was real funny and did her best to help me with the little English that she could speak, and also a lovely woman named Louise - the same woman that shooed me and Jonathan away a couple of weeks ago when we tried to check out his class while they were having recess.  She's actually quite sweet.

They arranged for me to meet with the Director this morning and it looks like, from what i could understand, that Jonathan will start tomorrow (Thursday).

So, that's all the great of another day that I believe is all part of God's will and plan - His working all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose - EVEN when possibly the reason we are where we are wasn't totally how and why He would have gotten us there.

I'm saying that cause, I'm still in a stuck place about Jonathan's care on Saturdays and how I'm gonna negotiate picking him up at the after school program on my Thursday and Friday classes (and sometimes Mon, Tues and Wednesday classes - that happens two times: In December & Feb).

I had sent Laetitia an updated message on Monday about meeting with Sandrine and requested that she relay my email address to Sandrine and send me Sandrine's email, so that we can communicate that way (since I'm without a phone).  I haven't heard back from Laetitia.  I'm about to send her another email after this blog post.  I was supposed to meet Sandrine today to go by her place to check it out before giving a final yes to her watching Jonathan.  Maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe knowing how anal I am or picky in general, the Lord doesn't want me to see it before Friday evening and we're just gonna reconnect literally that day to do the first overnight.  I don't know. I'd much rather that not be the case though.  This is my child - and yes, God is His true Father and caretaker - I'm just a stand-in, but I would much rather this situation have worked out a bit more seamless for Jonathan's sake.

And then the whole getting out of orientation issue.  I emailed the student coordinator, Justin, who then relayed that to the gentleman who administrates much of the coursework for the program.  He said that Matthew would get back to me.  He hasn't yet.  I'm sure he was real busy getting things together for the orientation and the first class (plus the other cohorts that are in session at this time across other campuses and programs).   A part of me was like:  They are getting tired of you and your excuses and your issues, Kim!!  I'm getting tired of them, too.  I think if I could be a bit more tight and disciplined about the order of my days, things would have turned out better. But that's just me again trying to control the universe.  Hate to curse here, but it's apropos: Shit happens. And a lot of shit has happened to us - some due to my own ineptitude - and some to just - well, just.

In any case, I'm not gonna be able to attend orientation.  And I forgot that there's this form that I need to bring to the orientation, related to my student visa and being able to be here on said visa, which Justin said would be processed today (or something about showing us what we'll need to do with it).  It's called OSCII and it'll require a special appointment with the State and a medical exam - possibly.  I'm not sure if ISM is part of the section of schools where some of the requirements are waived.  I'm hoping so - but also, if so, me missing orientation sort of messes up finding that out today.  However, I'll eventually find out -- I think.

I think.  I'm just not sure about this MBA program anymore. I'm not sure I even want to do it anymore.  Or that I should have applied at all.  I feel surely that the Lord opened the doors for us to get to Paris, but was it for the MBA program?

If so, I really need the two issues with Saturday care and Jonathan's pick-ups after school to be supernaturally and powerfully resolved by God for me to continue and not cancel enrollment.

Let's see how re-connecting with Laetitia and Sandrine goes - or - possibly, the discussion with the Director this morning will provide an alternate route.

More to come...

UPS - YES!! And -- am I being too stealth??

Our UPS package arrived today!  Praise God!  With some blessed help from our wonderful Landlord, who called UPS France to give them specific instructions on delivery, a time frame was provided and they came within that timeframe today.  The box was well worn but everything was there.  It's all now properly in its place and Jonathan and I can now retire the three outfits and one pair of PJs each we've been wearing for the past 2.5 weeks.

Most of the stuff in the box is for Jonathan - his clothes, shoes, coats, hat, scarves, underwear and t-shirts.  It was my goal to bring the bare minimum for myself.  I'll still be wearing quite a bit of the same stuff, but I'm grateful that we have any variety. The three outfits we kept interchanging weren't all that much of a hardship, really.  I need to simply be grateful we had them as well as a change of underwear.  Plus, the maintenance was extremely streamlined having so few things to wash.  It pays to live simply.

Nevertheless, in all my anal retentiveness to get stuff stored away in its proper place and the apartment back in tidy shape BEFORE I went to the mairie, I ended up not having enough time to get there today, so we will go tomorrow and I am believing, believing that all will go as I hope and pray:  Jonathan will get enrolled and he can start on Wednesday.

That also might mean I'm gonna have to find a way to get excused from orientation on Wednesday.  I'm also believing that the Lord will work that out for me.

He did greatly bless me with the ability to watch the 1957 Henry Fonda flick, 12 Angry Men (its free to view on YouTube) for my first class, Executive Leadership, which starts on Thursday. I watched it last night (after first procrastinating through a few too many, but very funny, Jimmy Fallon Late Night skits).  There are four essay questions to answer about the movie that I have to complete and upload before class.  While we waited for UPS, I managed to complete my essay responses with Jonathan playing in his energetic way around me - and interrupting me to help him out or to play with him.  I see now that it might be possible to actually do some work when he is around - that I've progressed somewhat from my earlier stints in school where I had to have ABSOLUTE quiet and no distractions to get anything done. To be honest, it's something that I still needed while at IBM and why I performed pretty well (well, maybe too a point of burn out well) by working at home.  No idle chit chat, no conversations in the hallway, no people walking by to distract me.  Heaven.  That was one of the many perks of my last eight years with the company:  Working from home. Nothing like it.

After I unpacked, Jonathan was famished and I promised him Mickey D's (yes, again).  However, the one near us did not have chicken mcnuggets (all he will eat) and they directed me to another one they said was a five minute walk away.  Well, it was more like 20 minutes, but what an incredilble walk!  We found ourselves on one of the many canal walks in our enchanted 19th Arrondissement.  My camera is officially dead now (it died last night; insurance replacement is on its way - first to NJ - and then from NJ (via my mom) to us here in Paris), so I couldn't take any pictures, but I'll be back.  It seems to me that I could just explore the 19th for the 10 months we are here and never go anywhere else and still not see all that I can see.  This arrondissement is HUGE and has so many surprises. Of course, we saw two more amazing playgrounds, which I'll have to take Jonathan to.  I also need to get Jonathan a scooter, cause there are so many wide open places where he can have a ball using one.

Due to me not having a phone, I had to send a Facebook message to my nephew to relay info about the phone delivery to my mom. I rarely go out on Facebook or post stuff there, but I found myself perusing a lot of the recent posts by Facebook friends and started to feel a bit guilty that I haven't let anyone outside of a small circle of friends and family know that we are in  Paris.  I think that I've - even before all the issues we've faced - had this feeling I might not end up making it here and have to return.  The fewer people who know I am here, the less embarressment I have to experience if I return early.

However, now, I have a firmer committment to live this thing out in its entirety.  Even so, I still likely will not say anything on Facebook until possibly the start of the New Year.  I sense that it will be about three months of living here and getting into a regular routine with me in school and Jonathan in school and getting familiar with the area, transportation, shopping, recreational activities, and other things before I have a true sense of comfort - or can finally exhale a bit.  Right now, I'm just doing a lot of hyperventilating!

By the time I do post a pic of us here and say Bon Jour from Paris, this blog should be filled with interesting tid bits that I can just point people too - and hopefully the newer posts will simply be fun and informative pieces about life here - sans the anxiety and "Oh MY God, what am I gonna do??!!" craziness.

For those already with us - thanks so much for your patience with me and your support and prayers!  Jonathan and I so appreciate and love you!!

Our God the GREAT Architect of blessings!

So, finally a blog post that is not dour!  To God be the Glory is what I want to exclaim!!

I said in the last post that I hoped to have clarity about what to do before the end of the weekend. I also mentioned in either the last post or the one before that about how the Lord had blessed us with connections to some sisters that are here in Paris through a connection I have with a woman who is in the UK, who has befriended one of the sisters that now lives there with her husband and baby girl.  Laetitia, the sister in the UK, connected me and Jonathan with her sisters Sandrine, Christiane and Florence who are here in Paris.  Earlier in the week we chatted through Whatsap (please download it if you have not yet - free texting between members!) and I arranged a meeting today with Sandrine.  Sandrine works in Paris and has a little boy who is 2.5 named Thimothe.  She suggested we meet today at an awesome park in the 16th Arrondissement called Le Jardin d'Acclimation, which Google Translate translates into "The Zoo".  It is way more than that.  I'll have to go back with Jonathan and spend a whole day there - and go back again - and again.  The Park has zoo animals, really cool playgrounds, amusement park rides, restaurants, bicycles for small tykes to rent, and just loads of fun, fun, fun.  Simply amazing.  If I ever thought I would stay in Paris beyond school, I would primarily do so because of all the great things they have here for children. If only they had the fraction of this stuff in NJ.  Another cool thing is that these parks with the amusement rides stay open ALL YEAR LONG!  They don't shut down in the winter months. They just close and hour or so earlier. Amazing!

So, meeting sweet Sandrine and Thimothe and Murphy were a blessing enough - and now I'm realizing how daft I am:  I didn't take a picture of them!  I'm such a non-picture taker so please forgive me. I will get better as this blog progresses.  How stupid of me - ugh!  Anyway, it appears I will have a lot of opportunities to take pictures of them because Sandrine has graciously offered to watch Jonathan on the Saturdays that I am in class!  In fact, she will take him home with her on Friday evenings and he will stay overnight with them and I will pick him up on Saturdays after class!  Is that not God or what?!  My spirit feels right about the whole situation.  Sandrine is a Christian and I loved how she was with both boys today.  Thimothe was a bit tired after a long night and was very fussy and she was great with him.  She requested I come see her home to make sure I am okay with how they live, so I will do that on Wednesday, after my orientation at the school, and hopefully after Jonathan's first or second day at school (more on that in a bit).   It's gonna be a little awkward doing the transfer, because, though she works in Paris, it's not near where we live in the 19th, and her home is in a suburb just outside of Paris.  Plus, on Fridays, I'll be in class till 6 (though I'll be requesting to leave at 5:30) and will get home to pick up Jonathan at after-school care around 6-6:15.  I'm thnking I will need to simply take him to her house myself and then request that we do a hand off at a central location on Saturday evenings after class.

Whatever the case, God has opened this door and He'll iron out the details!  I told her how much I would pay and she looked at me like I was crazy.  She doesn't want to be paid!  She wants to be able to practice her English with me and for Thimothe to have an English-speaking playmate so he can get familiar with it as well.  I will benefit from Sandrine's French-speaking and so will Jonathan, by playing with Thimothe and being cared for by Sandrine!  What a blessing from God.  Is He not the Great Architect??!!

So, the last thing still standing is school.  I decided on Friday to go back to the mairie and prayerfully get the agent I had been working with, who had no problem with the papers that I had given her.  If I get her, I should get the inscription letter on Monday and be able to go to the school on Monday afternoon or at the latest Tuesday, to get Jonathan enrolled.  My prayer is that he is in school by Wednesday.  I will have to leave my school's orientation early on Wednesday to pick up Jonathan, because he'll only be in school half-day.  I hope adminstration understands - Lord, please make them understand.  Thursday is my first day of class and he will have to be in school all day (8:30 - 4:30) and then after school care till about 6 - 6:15.

I decided I would just let go and let God - as the common saying goes - but no lip service:  I'm actually gonna do it.  I'm feeling more convinced that He did bring us here and He will do the work in and through us that He needs to do - whether I like it or not.  Today I liked it a LOT.  Of course, me being me, I'll be struggling not to fight Him, not to doubt, and not to try to figure it out on my own.

Lord - continue to please have mercy on me!!

Oh -- and make sure UPS comes either before OR after I do what I have to do at the mairie on Monday.  Please don't let me miss them this last time or they're gonna seize our stuff in customs!!  Please, Lord, Please!!

Pray for us!!:-)  We're praying for you all!

Impasse

So, the day started not so great and got a bit worst as it progressed.

UPS had stated they would deliver the box today, so Jonathan and I stayed in for most of the morning waiting for delivery. After waiting for a couple of hours, I decided to check the tracking status, and saw a message from 9:15 AM stating that the receiver (me) had requested delivery at a more appropriate time and they would attempt said new scheduled delivery on Friday.  Well, I never made such a request. However, there was nothing I can do about it at that point. We will have to stay in tomorrow and see if it arrives.  Though at this point I'm thinking it's a moot action - ill conceieved, and fool-hearty - like the rest of this journey we have made over the pond...

In total, about hree hours were wasted.  Around 12:30 PM we set out for the mairie to finally get Jonathan enrolled in school. We get on the bus that takes you directly to the mairie.  Halfway there, the bus veers down a different street. Me not knowing the bus system, assumed that the driver was aware of a detour issue ahead and was taking a different route. However, that was not the case.  He kept driving and driving. Jonathan, prayerfully, was enjoying the ride and quite content - no episodes on the bus - Praise God - as we continued weaving in and out of roads I'd never been on with this particular bus.  Well, eventually I realize we are now in the 20th Arrondissement, way beyond our original destination.  At a stop, Jonathan notices a little park with a playground.  So, to help me to stay composed, I tell him, okay, let's get off so you can play a little.  It turned out to be a lovely playground and we spent about an hour there.


We then headed to a Mickey D's that was conveniently around the corner.  From there, I saw a sign for that famous cemetary where Jim Morrison (from The Doors) is buried:  Pere Lachaise.

So we took a stroll there and walked through part of it. However, because I did not have a map detailing where particular famous cemetary plots were located, I decided that I would come back later (if I end up staying that is) to stroll on my own, without Jonathan having to go bumpity bump in his carriage over the beautiful, but aged cobblestone pathways.  I suppose I should have taken a pic of those at least, but hopefully...maybe, later.

After our unexpected time in the 20th, we found our way back to the bus and this time I asked the bus driver if it would end up taking us to the mairie in the 19th and he said yes.  So we boarded.  Eventually we got there.  This is where a not so great day (with the unexpected joy of the playground mitigating things somewhat), got a bit worst.

The two other times I've gone to the mairie, I was helped by a lovely, english-speaking agent.  Well, this time she was busy with another family.  Instead, I got a more disagreeable woman, and she made it clear that I would not be able to enroll Jonathan without a specific letter from his Father stating that he could be registered in a French school.  The other woman had told me yesterday, you have all that you need, just return tomorrow (since they don't do registrations on Wednesday) and I will process it for you and give you the inscription to take to the school.

Well, because I got a different agent, Jonathan will not be able to get enrolled, at least not in time for me to start school next week so that he's in school himself and in the after school program, as well.  To get a letter from Kay then get it translated - well, I just at this point don't know if I want to deal with it. I also have this gut feeling that if we are to stay and Jonathan is to attend school, it should not be in a public school - and definitely not in our neighborhood, which I realize now after seeing other parts of the 19th and the 20th today, is essentially the ghetto.  A nice, multi-cultural ghetto, but ghetto nonetheless.  And in general I don't have a problem with that - I love the energy and diversity - but it does give me pause in terms of the quality of education and the kind of students Jonathan will be with - students who I've already mentioned haven't been the friendliest to him at our building or today in the playground that I discovered a few steps from our apartment.  And he's been more than friendly - going up to children to say hi (or bon jour) and trying to enter into play with them. I thank God he's got this real tough, I don't care what you think spirit about him. If they ignore him, he just goes about his business being happy and playing.

And as I mentioned above, we discovered a playground right near our building!  That find certainly helped to make a dour day a bit brighter. I usually go left out of our building to head wherever we are headed for that day, since that 's the direction of the metro and bus stops.  However, I saw that there is an above ground tram system to the right and decided to see where it originates.  Well, walking that way, we discovered a brand new playground, similar to the one we visited earlier in the day in the 20th!  What a find!

It also has weight-bearing weight lifting equipement (I didn't take pics of that).  Would be a great way to get back into shape - again, if I stay.

So, in terms of the school thing. I don't know. I don't believe we should move forward with the public school.  I was feeling that a catholic school would work better - and they tend to be cheaper tuition-wise than other private schools in Paris. However, what schools I could find don't have adequate info online and I can't figure out exactly where they are located in terms of our apartment and me being able to drop Jonathan off in time for me to get to class in time, on the days I have class.

I am at an impasse. It seems to me this last thing is the last thing.  Even after the bright spot yesterday of being connected to some sisters here who are African heritage but Parisian-raised, who I will meet this weekend and would possibly be able to assist with Saturday care for Jonathan on those days when I have Saturday classes - which I thought was my last true dilemma remaining here.  I was connected to them through a lovely woman who I got connected to through a member of my online lifegroup - Joyce. Joyce is in the UK and so is Laetitia and when Joyce found out that Laetitia was from Paris, she hooked us together. We've been emailing and I mentioned my issue with Saturday care and she said she has three sisters in Paris who might be able to help!  That put me to sleep with an extra portion of peace.  And then today happened.

So, we have the joy of new playgrounds and an unexpected visit to a destination in Paris I was hoping to eventually get to - but I have no idea how I will be able to stay here and attend school if Jonathan is not enrolled in school himself.  State-run daycares (creches) are not a possiblity - people are on waiting lists for years to get into one of those.  I just don't know. I don't know.  I don't know.

God - are we to return to NJ?  Am I just being stubborn and not reading the signs??  Was this all for naught. If so, yes, I'm embarressed and ashamed, but Jonathan's welfare is what's most important.  If things aren't clear by the end of the weekend related to how this can work out, I will book my tickets home on Monday.

Show me Lord. PLEASE speak to me clearly so that I make the right decision.

Still straddling

Even though Jonathan's behavior has given me some instight into my own weaknesses, it's still been a struggle to handle it and stay in peace.  One more fit on a train and I think I'm gonna lose it.  Then, today, I got another delay with school enrollment (they don't do registrations on Wednesdays, which is 1/2 day school or no school for most of Paris), making me think that's just God's way of telling me that this whole deal was my plan alone and not His will at all and as long as I try to gut it out, it'll just get harder and harder.  Plus, because today was 1/2 day school, I was able to see the assortment of children coming out of the school that Jonathan will be attending, and they all seemed so rough!  Jonathan is no wilting flower - but he doesn't know the language, is very boistrous and friendly - and I'm nervous that he'll get into this school, with these rough, seemingly unfriendly students, and not so sweet teachers (they're not lovey dovey preschool instructors like in the US) and it will completely deflate him.  I want him to excel - to truly enjoy the experience.  With all that's transpired so far, I'm just not sure that will happen.  It has JUST been a little over a week.  I start classes next Thursday.  Maybe it's just a matter of Jonathan being in school (and hopefully liking it and not getting bullied!) and me being in my routine that will help.

I did enjoy some time with Jonathan at Parc du Lac-Beauchamp again.  I had fun pushing Jonathan on an old-fashioned iron swing.  It cost 1.50 euro for 5 minutes, and I noticed that the vendor sorta cheated me:  Only I was timed for my 5 minutes, while the native Parisians just had their clock sit at 5:00 without ever moving.  However, I'm just too tired at this point to argue and I really didn't want to push Jonathan for more than 5 minutes, nor did he want to be on the swing for more than 5 minutes.  So, I suppose I wasn't truly cheated-cheated.

We then had lunch at this cute, little, diner-like cafe that will become my favorite little spot (if I decide to stay).  I just loved it and my mixte (ham and cheese with butter on French bread) was the best I've had so far.  See the pretty menu below.  Jonathan actually ate one of his two, HUGE hot dogs.  The hot dogs are a bit strange looking here and have a distince taste - not sure what they're made of - will have to investigate.  Frites (fries) were also really good and for 4.90 euro, I had myslef a good 25 ml (about two glasses) of white wine.  Definitely took the edge off!

I had included pics of Jonathan's plate of mostly eaten food, the restaurant's pretty menu and a video of me pushing Jonathan on the screen, but I must not have uploaded them correctly, cause they were not showing up.  I had to remove them and they were originally on a phone that you'll read about later which went the way of death, and I had not uploaded them to Picasa web, so I'm unable to re-post.:-(

Anyway, until my next vent...

Coming face to face with my flesh...

So, it has now been a full week that we have been in Paris.  I thought I would give a low down on all the details of our journey here and the many events that took place from the point we landed until now - but it's all quite sordid, to tell you the truth.  Well, sordid mainly because I've been dealing with a lot of anger, frustration, disappointment, fear, dread, regret, and just about every negative emotion that a person could deal with in one week without having a nervous breakdown.  I think I actually might have had one today.  Jonathan, being his rambunctious, out of control self - which he has been all week - knocked my new cell phone out of my hand (the one that is now working - praise God - just needed  to be charged) and completely cracked the screen.  All of my frustration over the past week came to the head and I knocked him down with a slap  - in the street - called him an idiot out loud - picked him up and threw him in a chair - and then got reprimanded by a young woman who told me to stop abusing my child - it's only a phone.

And she was right.

This week has been hell.  That's about the best way to describe it.   I'm still straddling the decision of just packing up and going back to NJ - cutting my losses while I can, and just not caring about all the money and time already invested.

Why:

Well, without going into too much detail, here's a list of the stuff I've dealt with this week:

1.  Go to get our luggage and Jonathan's stroller does not show up.  I'm beside myself because there is no way I can navigate the airport and two train stations without it.  I wait in line at the luggage service area for about an hour with a 3 year old who doesn't want to stand still and keeps running away for me to go after him, only to be finally told that the carriage is likely in the over-sized luggage area -- and indeed it was.

2.  On the train rides, Jonathan is absolutely his insane self multiplied by 10 - likely due to jet lag, making it a stressful trip for me, because Europeans are extremely quiet and every extra sound sounds like an earthquake. I praise God that he made the Eurostar train trip seem like it was an hour rather than 3.5 hours.  We got to Paris from London so fast - and Jonathan was loud, loud, loud the whole time - making one passenger get up and change his seat.  However, the plane ride here was wonderful.  He pretty much slept the whole way there and when awake, was quite pleasant.

3.  All goes well getting to the hotel - a very nice hotel, in fact.  But looks are deceiving.  The first morning after we slept there, I notice bug bites on Jonathan's neck. Well, it was quite warm in Paris (it was all week until Sunday) so I thought it might just be mosquitoes or noseeums.  Well, the next day, I wake up with  bug bites on my body.  Still didn't think too much of it.  Finally, the last night, I had to scratch a bite on my stomach. At that point I'm thinking it must be bed bugs.  I start to investigate, using the light from my cell phone. Lo and behold, i isolate the little bugger!  I bring it to the front desk. They agree to not charge us for all the meals we've eaten (I had prepaid for the hotel room), but didn't refund the funds paid for the room. I don't fight it - I just want out of there and for them to launder the clothes that were not closed up in my suitcase.  They do so.  We leave to go to our scrubbed clean apartment.

4. Speaking of the apartment, we visit it on Monday and Herve is there and he is such a lovely man. So helpful and kind.  I love the layout of the apartment. It's even nicer in person. However, it is FILTHY! Well, to my standards filthy.  Herve has done his best to get it ready, but I have to spend Tuesday scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing it to get rid of 4 years of grime.  However, praise God, it finally gets to where I'm comfortable.  We move in on Wednesday.

5.  The bed bug bites are over but the after effects plague us for the rest of the week. Even today I'm still scratching and we have marks and scars all over our bodies. I just feel disgusting.

6.  My package of items that I sent via UPS - basically all of our clothes and shoes and coats and a lot of Jonathan's toys - have yet to arrive. They claim that the receiver name does not match who lives in the apartment. I tried to get that fixed today and was expecting a call from UPS at 4 EST - but missed it, in my funk about the phone getting shattered.

7.  The very sweet Student Coordinator at the school willingly offered to help me with getting Jonathan enrolled at school and to get my bank account open here.  However, I managed to miss both appointments to meet him  - totally inconveniencing him.  I managed to still do what I needed to do at the Marie, where the Lord fortunately blessed me with an English speaking rep  who was very helpful (each arrondissement (district) in Paris has an administrative center to handle stuff like school enrollments called mairies).  She informed me that I had to get Jonathan's birth certificate translated as well as the approval letter from his dad that he could be in Paris with me AND that I needed better proof that I was living where I said I was living than a copy of the lease.  She suggested I purchase apartment insurance for that proof.  I was also told I would need that to get cable and WiFi set up in the apartment.  So, thankfully, Herve found a translator and I picked up the translations today in her lovely apartment in the 10th (the outside belied just how beautiful it would be on the inside - all white walls with red accents - a large red, farm-sized table from which she worked, a balcony covered with red gardenias, wide-planked oak floors, lightly patinaed with age - and she was lovely and so sweet).  Herve also got me connected to his insurance agent, so I will get apartment insurance that way. I'll head back to the mairie on Wednesday to get Jonathan enrolled in school and hopefully he can start on Monday at the latest.

Update:  Jonathan did not start school today as planned, which really hinders my ability to get started with my 15 page pre-test that I have to complete and the pre-reading for the first class - Exec Leadership - that starts on 10/2 - as well as the first assignment I have to do before class, which is watch "12 Angry Men" and answer some essay questions. I was hoping to tackle all of that this week. However, not possible with Jonathan in toe.  However, maybe the Lord just wanted us to have another week together in the city at the start.  Maybe I have to believe that as with everything else I've ever tackled the Lord is the one that's really doing the work.  He'll get my class assignments done through me when it has to be done - I just have to be the hands and head and mouth that He works through. It's not me!

And about Jonathan and my subject line for this post:  "Coming face to face with my flesh".  I want to think that he is causing me stress with his misbehavior - not listening - ignoring me when I call him - running into traffic - having fits on trains  - talking loud in public places - yelling and screeching in the apartment (and everywhere else).  However, it's not him. He's just being an active, intelligent 3-year old who is bored silly. He wants the activity of school and being around other children. He needs it. He's a social butterfly who loves people. Even here he says hello to everyone (and not all French people are amenable to that - however, I've found that MOST are extremely kind and very helpful to mom's with children and absolutely dote on Jonathan - I am so grateful for their kindness).

Anyway, much of my stress and the inability to really negotiate all that has to be negotiated when you are getting acclimated and situated in a new culture has to do with straight up sinful, prideful, selfish Kim. Period.  I suppose the Lord had to bring me across the pond to see just how much I need to be fixed in that area. Paris is TRULY crucifying my flesh - and I can only imagine how much more once I start classes.

Nonetheless, I regret how I've treated Jonathan all week.  It's been hard to get anything done because he acts out everywhere we go.  I also feel like he's in control and I'm the child.  My activities are dictated by what he wants to do when he wants to. If he's finished eating, then I need to be finished, or we have a tantrum. If he wants to leave the store, then we have to leave or a tantrum - screaming, screeching, running away, falling down on the ground.  However, like I said above - he's being a typical 3 - year old - maybe more strong-willed then most - and more spoiled - but me calling him names and slapping him so hard that he falls on the ground...well, there is no excuse for that, no matter how much he acts out.

I'm gonna do my best to receive the forgiveness from Jesus that He died on the cross to give me and keep it moving. I can't take back the words, the pushes or the hits (yeah, I've pushed him too this week - with his "Stop pushing me!" retorts) but the blood of Jesus can erase the effects. I have to believe so. I'm thankful that there is not much I remember before 4 years of age. I'm hoping the same with Jonathan, thought I do want him to remember a lot about Paris when he's older - but the good things - not just me scowling and calling out his name in anger.  Lord, let it just be the good things and keep me from repeating this bad, stressed out, un-called for behavior!!!

I will say some early bonuses to being here are that the milk, the bread, the butter, the apple juice and the Lipton Peach Ice Tea are out of this world.  AND we have an amazing pizza shop across the way.  I've spent way too much for household items at the Monoprix around the corner - but I love that store.  And the wine here is cheap with plentiful varieties at pretty much all the grocery stores in the area - however, I've primarily only shopped at the Franprix and Monoprix.   Food in general is pretty expensive.  I'm looking forward to Herve fixing the stove top and installing the convection/microwave so I can cook more - I've had about enough of eating out (and so has my budget).  Jonathan just wants to eat yogurt (which is also very good here) and he's happy, but I'm fearing he's gonna be malnourished with all the frites, croque monsieur (melted cheese and ham on toasted bread), chicken nuggets and yogurts he's been eating.  Lord help us!

More about the parks in the area in a future post - a lot of hit or misses here but where there are hits, they are big ones - Jonathan has had a ball!!!

I would love to be the blogger that post exciting pictures throughout the blog - and I might eventually get to that, but in the meantime, below is a link to some pics from our first week. (Update:  This slideshow actually contains pics up through October 11):

Journey to and our first few weeks in Paris...

Paris or bust!

So, tomorrow is the day.  I can't believe we are but 20+ hours away from hitting the air and hopefully gliding over the pond to the UK {please, Lord Jesus, make it a SMOOOOTH, on time -- if not, accelerated flight!) and then a one hour train ride to st. pancras station and a nice three hour ride on the eurostar to Paris.

Praise God, the visas were ready today!  All week, due to my father's sadness about us leaving and just my weird last minute misgivings, I've been telling myself that if the visas weren't ready, then we wouldn't go.  I'd just chalk up what I've spent so far as a loss and take it as a sign that we simply are not supposed to go.  Even though I still had this core assurance that I must follow through, the nerves were getting the best of me.  But the visas were ready, so God's plans are moving forward.  I do believe that.  This ride we're on has nothing to do with any preconceived plans of my own.  This is orchestrated by God to His glory and for His purposes.  I've got to learn how to get out of the way and just rest and enjoy the view.

For our last day in NYC, we met with my best friend Lolita at her job near city hall, which really was a blessing.  So glad she was able to take time away from her busy schedule to bid us a fond farewell.  After that, we had an awesome lunch with a sweet, Godly woman from the online lifegroup I lead through my church (liquidchurch.com).  Lourdes and I had a great time.  She so blessed me.  She was able to articulate the "why" of my assurance about going, even though I don't have absolute clarity on what will be accomplished through the grad pgm or my time with Jonathan overseas.  She said that for everyone in my family to truly move forward, I have to leave.  There are some things God needs to do but can't do until I'm obedient in this thing He has placed before me - as scary as it is right now for me.  And I need to move forward to --- and Jonathan also needs to move forward.  Uncanny how the Lord has managed to merge some deep, inner work in my family with the fulfilment of one of my dreams.  That's our intricate, specific God for you!

After lunch, because it was such a beautiful day and because we were so close to the Brooklyn Bridge, Jonathan and I took one more stroll across the bridge down to Dumbo and  the fun Pirate Park that's under the bridge.  I took a cool video of Jonathan on a tire swing with a sweet little girl and would have posted it here, but my new phone - the one that I had to get after I dropped by Windows Go Phone - which was a replacement of another Windows Go Phone that died in May - which was the replacement of the 2nd iPhone that was stolen from me last year, and which I could not replace cause I don't have a legitmate AT&T upgrade scheduled till 2015 - well, it died.  I just got it on Wednesday, so to say that I'm disappointed is saying the least I can at this point.  I hope and pray that they'll replace the bad boy for free like the other phone.  I got this one via this new plan that allows me to replace the phone in 18 months, and thus, allowed me to get an upgraded version of the Nokia Lumina Windows Phone with a nifty camera - great for taking pictures and videos like the great one I took today that is likely in the netherworld now.  Oh well, just one minor glitch in a glorious day.  Well...actually, there was one other thing.

At Penn Station, I managed, while doing my best to corral a very tired and fussy 3 year old, to book a UPS pickup of our stuff.  I decided last week to unpack our huge, albatross of a suitcase and throw all that mess in a box.  There's no way I'd be able to navigate an airport and two train stations with that suitcase, two book bags, a pillow pet, a lunch bag AND Jonathan.  I figured the cost would be greatly mitigated by me not having a nervous breakdown trying to make all that  work - and likely losing Jonathan in the process.  That's actually one of my fears, that I will lose homeboy over there - though there are days when I wouldn't mind losing him...

Anyway, I booked the pick up for btwn 6-7 pm, knowing I'd be home by about 5:30 - just enough time to throw the remaining stuff in the box and seal it up good with tape. However, homeboy or gal must have had a hot date tonight, cause they arrived at 5:15.  I wasn't there, so they left one of those UPS sticky notes saying they'd return on Monday.  Well, if i want to make sure that Jonathan and I aren't wearing the same smelly underwear during the whole of our first week in Paris, that stuff needs to be in the air by tomorrow.  I'm bringing the bare minium in our carry-on and checked baggage.  Truth be told, what I primarily have packed are Jonathan's books and trains!  Aint no way I'm going anywhere without those. I'd have to be on the next flight home if I left those in NJ (and Lawd please don't let them lose our luggage!)

As is stands now, I will, with the help of my awesome nephew, Anthony (who already did me the great favor of taking that heavy box down a narrow hallway and staircase with his girlfriend today while I was enroute back home from NYC), take it to the nearest UPS  store tomorrow and ship it from there.  And with that added task, our last official-official day in NJ before the move is getting packed, with the AT&T store visit, UPS store, breakfast with my brother and his wife, and visiting my dad - oh and stocking up on enough squeezable yogurt to last Jonathan till we officially move into the apt on Wed.  It's all goodness, though - and all worthy of praise to God who allows even hinderances to bless us.  I have to keep reminding myself of that to not get too stressed out!

In six days...

...Jonathan and I will be in Paris.

Really??

Yeah, Paris.  I don't want to waste a lot of time here with the full story of the why we are going (though I probably will), because, honestly, right now, I'm not absolutely sure.  I thought I knew, but I don't.  In fact, this very moment I'm actually wondering even if we should go.  Primary reason:  How the heck am I going to handle raising Jonathan in a foreign culture, where I do not speak the language, where he'll be going to a school where he won't understand the language either, so that I can complete a degree for which there is no real guarantee that it will help me to be more marketable once we return to the states - or - in terms of my initial decision to apply to the program - might not help me to achieve the ultimate dream of creating a foundation that supports individuals and organizations that are focused on meeting the spirtual and physical needs of the disadvantaged.

What am I doing?

Earlier this year, I was in a standstill. Not sure what to do next after a pretty traumatic year where my dad suffered a cervical spinal injury that was quite devastating at first (paralyzed from the neck down), but by the grace of God, has developed into him only having the limitation of a wheelchair, with the rest of my dad fully who he was before his unfortunate fall.

I had left IBM in January 2013 with dreams of spending some quality time with Jonathan and being accepted into one of the three PhD in Business programs that I had applied to in late 2012.  I got rejected by all three.  Then my father's injury and the time and effort related to his care, supporting my mom at home, and raising a toddler, who was diagnosed with a speech delay and who spent most of the year in an early intervention program, pretty much aced out the quality time with Jonathan and the time I thought I would have looking for an alternate career, since my PhD plans had not turned out as hoped.

I thank God that I left IBM, cause the reasons why I thought I was leaving really weren't the reasons the Lord let me go. He sees the end from the beginning, so he saw that my dad's fall was imminent and that I would be needed in  a way that my former job would not have allowed.  Plus, it turns out if I had not left, I likely would have been laid off, since most of my team, including the best manager I ever had in my whole working life, were laid off in July of 2013.

So, as I mentioned above, I was a standstill earlier this year. Not sure what to do next. My father was pretty settled in a good nursing home, Jonathan was out of early intervention and thriving in his new preschool, my mother was doing well, and my savings were dwindling. I needed to get a job or a new solution for a new career THAT WAS NOT INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY really, really soon.

In March, my In Touch Ministries montly devotional came in the mail and in it was an article written by Joan Ball.  Now Joan Ball is a woman who I first encountered in 2012 at a Christian Inspirational seminar called The Collyde Summit. I was rivited by her bio and a simple statement she made about how the Lord always gives us work for which we are not prepared to do.  Why?  So we can depend completely upon him.

She gave the keynote address at the Summit and was so raw, funny and pinpoint insightful.  Her love for Christ and the realness of her abiding relationship with him was captivating. I bought her memoir and read it that night - I did not sleep.  She had had this Paul-like conversion experience which radically changed her life and her family's life (her husband too got radically saved).  She had been a successful public relations executive and she quit all that to simply pursue Christ, and then through that pursuit, landed in a new career as a professor, eventually obtaining her PhD in Business.

I will admit that it was seeing Joan and reading her memoir which cemented my decision to leave IBM back in 2012, and inspired me to look into pursing a PhD in Business myself.  Alas, the 2nd part didn't work out, but I am grateful for the extra push I got from hearing her story to finally leave what was KNOWN to face the big UNKNOWN.

So, here I was reading this article in the InTouch Devotional, and there were more of Joan's quotes related to pursing what you feel you should do and not being worried about if you're prepared to do it or not.  And here I was again smack dab up against the big UNKNOWN looking for a way out.  Then a thought came to mind:  Where did Joan get her PhD?  Maybe your dream of changing careers through graduate studies is not dead - go look at the St. Johns Web site (where Joan now teaches) and see where this woman got her PhD.

Now, a bit more background:  In 2009, I traveled to London and while there, took the eurotrain to Paris for a one-day trip there. It was literally the most enchanting day of my life next to having Jonathan.  Just magical. I walked the length of the city, ending at Notre Dame, after first encountering the majesty of the Eiffel Tower at Twilight.  Just amazing.  I fell in love - IN LOVE, and the seeds were planted then for a dream to one day be able to spend a longer season in that great city, whether for work or leisure.  I never thought for education - but I'm getting ahead of myself here...

In May 2010, I went back for eight days with a girlfriend from work and we had the GREATEST time. Perfect weather every day. We ate like pigs.  Drank wine at every meal, save breakfast (and would have if we had been a bit more bold), walked everywhere, and managed to both come home about five pounds lighter (five pounds that I quickly put back on, plus another 30+, because about a week after coming home was when I got knocked up with my sweet Jonathan; alas, another blog, another story...). Anyway, that trip further watered the seeds of my dream to one day LIVE in Paris.

Okay, so I go and check out the St. John's Web site.  Turns out Joan got her PhD at this school called "The International School of Management". I go to the Web site.  I'm entralled by the school, their approach to teaching, and of course, the location. However, at this point, my savings are dwindling, and though the PhD program appears to be a good one, it's also an expensive one, and I also no longer feel I have the time to waste trying to do that now. I need a job.

However, the MBA program...that was intriguing:  Have to go to Paris to complete it. Can finish the coursework there in about 9 months and then return to states to attend a 2 week seminar in NYC and then finish the thesis stateside.  If I focus and work the thesis during my 9 months there, I could be done in about a year (though you are given a total of 18 months from program onset to thesis completion).  And the MBA is WAY cheaper.  This is starting to make a lot of sense to me.

And then I stop myself.

How are you going to do graduate school without some sort of support system?  Do you really think you can take Jonathan all the way to Paris and care for him and go to school at the same time?  How could you even think about taking him away from your mom? They're so close!  And how selfish to want to leave your parents here when they are in great need - you're dad's in a nursing home. Your mom needs your help at home?!

So I squashed it.

Earlier this year, I had started going to Christian therapy cause I really wanted a bit of help with handling Jonathan and dealing with my anger at his rambunctioness, and just dealing with overall stress and I suppose depression.  I'm premenapausal, so that wasn't helping any.  I'd gained a lot of weight in less than a year, my hair was thinning, my skin was a mess - I was a mess.  I needed to talk to someone.

In our first visit, the therapist asked me if there was anything I ever wanted to do and had no restrictions, what would it be.  Of course, I said: Move to Paris.  We then discussed how I might be able to do it. I mentioned ESL and she said maybe I should look into it. Well, I did, but got unexcited very quickly about that being an option.

After my ISM dreams were squashed, I went to a session mentioning how I had looked into the program but decided not to pursue it, based on all the stuff I mentioned above.  Vonetta looked me square in the eye and said "Isn't this what you said was the one thing you really want to do: Live in Paris?  It seems that the doors are opening for this to happen.  God will take care of your family and Jonathan and you. Go ahead and at least apply to see what happens."

And so I did.  And I got accepted.  And I got a 50% scholarship.  And I decided to take a chance and accept the acceptance.  And the Lord kept opening doors:

A great affordable apartment, with a cute, but very dependable and extremely nice owner, name Herve, in what turns out to be a family oriented neighborhood in the 19th arrondissement...

A French preschool s right across the street from the apartment (France has state run preschool that starts for all 3 year olds who are potty trained; it is one of the best preschool systems in the world, and it's FREE; okay - Jonathan is still getting pooped trained, so he's not 100%, but I'm just praying, praying --Lord God, please PLEASE -- get him all the way trained before September 22, when he's supposed to start school there!)...

The Lord blessed me with a 9-week temp assignment after months of trying to get something, even temp work, which perfectly fit the time slot between when I finally accepted the invite to the program and when we need to leave for Paris...

I got two one-way tickets for only 870 (though, we still have to take two trains from UK to Paris, which Jonathan will love).  All in all, the travel cost are a fraction of what it would have cost for me to get two one way tickets directly to Paris and I'd much prefer a short flight and two trains than one long flight with an active toddler like Jonathan...

I was blessed with a very easy visa appointment at the French Consulate in NYC, which is known to be a very caustic place, with very disagreeable agents, and we were granted our visas without a hitch (and I was even missing a very important copy of something (the agent let me slide!)).  Okay, there is one slight hitch: The visa won't be ready- at the earliest - until the DAY BEFORE we're supposed to leave, but  I'm at peace.  They WILL be ready.  Pluse, we get blessed with another reason to go to NYC to spend the day there - woop woop!

Kay, Jonathan's dad, is very supportive and has no problem with me taking Jonathan overseas...

And my parents:  Well, my father was the first I told and he was very supportive at the time, though the past couple of weeks, he's been a bit weepy and sad about it, which isn't helping with the doubt that I alluded to all the way at the top of this long entry!  My mom was sketchy at first and upset - even going to an appointment with Kay (he's her cardiologist and primary care physician), pleading with him to tell me that I can't take Jonathan to Paris!  However, now she's very cool - and because Jonathan, with each passing day, is turning into a holy terror (more on that in another entry...honestly, I'm afraid, I'll end up back here in the states just because the French School tells me to take him out of there an never come back!), she's sorta looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet --- she'll miss him terribly, but the 6:30 wake up calls "Nana, it's time to get up!" are wearing on her...

So, yes, we're going to Paris.  Yes, I thought I knew why, but now I'm not so sure. I don't know if I can handle Jonathan on my own. I don't know if I can do this school work. I don't know if I can negotiate living in this city barely speaking the language. I don't know if I'll like our little studio and the neighborhood and the neighbors. Don't know if I'll like French people when I'm no longer just a tourist. Don't know if Jonathan will scream bloodly murder for the first few months we're there and absoutely hate the school - or - as mentioned above, they can't handle him!  I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

All I know is that the Lord has opened the door - and I'm walking through it. I also know that I took the plunge and did the unthinkable by hitting my 401k (oh no you didn't?!  Oh yes I did!), and there's no turning back. Now I might end up back here earlier, but my intentions are to tough it out, under this thick cloud of UNKNOWN, and believe in faith the the Lord WILL take care of everthing and everyone and that we're all gonna grow and be better for this time than if I had not done it at all.  I know that He loves me and Jonathan and He will work all things for our good and to His glory.

I know that I have to do this.

So come on!  Join us for the ride.  I'm sure it's gonna be a doozy!